I swear i'll be writing more in 2014

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

The Top 15 Little People In Film

The last time I saw the Wizard of Oz, I was enamored with the idea of the munchkins from the film getting involved in a drunken fight with the monkeys also on the set.  I even wrote my fun thoughts out in blog form:

After that, I started keeping track of notable little people in films I saw with the aspirations of somehow creating the Wrestlemania 2 style elimination battle royal between all of these little people.  Would it be something to write up for shits and giggles?  Maybe make a major piece out of it, or better yet, use modern day CGI to create it visually?  Well, I obviously can't do the latter (where's Robert Zemeckis when you need him) and sadly, me writing about a little person battle royal just seems too silly, even for me. 

Another problem for me is I don't watch too many circus freak type movies, so I'm probably missing out on numerous little people that would appear in these types of films.  For instance, there must be at least one in Big Top Pee Wee, but I haven't seen that movie in years, so who knows.  Getting around all those I've missed, well, that's not acceptable.  This means I have to research famous little people.  Off the top of my head, I can think of many television actors, like Gary Coleman, Webster, Mickey from "Seinfeld" (Danny Woodburn) etc, but there are other walks of life I can't use either.  For instance, there's apparently a porn actress named "Bridget the Midget" which is too funny to not get an honorable mention here.  What's great is many have attempted this list on the internet, so there's actual research to be done … and here I go …

Researching was probably not a good idea.  Yes, I found a few (Bridget the Midget was obviously the highlight though), but inevitably you read all the sideshow type roles, the exploitation, and premature deaths … oh, that was probably a bad pun.  Let me do this list before I decide against further exploitation.

The Top 15 Little People in Film

15.  Kenny Baker

He was the poor soul trapped inside that R2D2 skeleton in the Star Wars movies.  He didn't do too much aside from avoid dying of either suffocation or claustrophobia, but hell, if anyone, he's R2D2, so he's got that going for him.  Unfortunately, he was no longer needed in the three prequels due to CGI.  How come no one ever says, "Man, the reason why those new Star Wars movies sucked was because they didn't bring back Kenny Baker, the original R2!" 

14.  The Little People From Freaks

I can't watch this movie because it just freaks me out too much (naturally). 

13.  Stumpy from O Brother, Where Art Thou?

Sure it's demeaning, but having a little person mimic your posturing while running for office would sure make American politics more fun, just imagine mini-Herman Cain!

12.  Joe Pesci

Some day Joe Pesci is going to die, and I'm going to re-read this post mistakenly and feel quite bad for placing him here.

11.  The Jawas

The Star Wars films used many little people.  In fact, here's the Top 5 Films in terms of who used the most little people (and this isn't factual, it's just my guess)
            5.  Freaks
            4.  Lord of the Rings Movies
            3.  Star Wars Movies
            2.  Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
            1.  The Wizard of Oz

10.  Warwick Davis

He's best known for playing … THE LEPRECHAUN!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!

9.   Hobbits

The fact that Peter Jackson found so many of the hobbits that still inhabit the earth to play hobbits in his films is downright incredible. 

8.  Wilson

For those who don't remember, Wilson is not the evil leader of Prussia, nor Tim Allen's faceless neighbor.  He's in fact, Tom Hanks' volleyball friend in Cast Away.  I'm not exactly sure who the little person was that sat inside of him the whole time, but one has to be pretty small to fit inside of a volleyball.  Let's hope he was freed before the ball floated away.  On a more serious note, you know Cast Away is a great movie because this scene is very emotional.  It's a volleyball floating away from someone and it somehow becomes tragic.

7.  The Ewoks

Though they don't get too much of the blame, these furry creatures are responsible as any for the downfall of a proud franchise.  It just so happens the Star Wars generation was young enough to appreciate them whereas giving Jar Jar Binks a pass is downright impossible.  Most people don't know this, but many of the little people who played Ewoks in this film went on to become famous, like the Leprechaun himself, Warwick Davis, and I surprise actor who will be mentioned later. 

6.  Danny Devito!

No, he didn't play an Ewok, but it would've been a lot cooler if he did!  People talk about overcoming physical defects in life, i.e. like Owen Wilson overcoming his nose, but look at what DeVito has done.  Despite being the size of well … a penguin, he has accepted who he is and been able to do just about anything he's wanted in Hollywood, a city that ranks somewhere between America's favorite and least favorite. 

5.  The Oompa Loompas from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

Any time you have a group of little people that look exactly alike and sing songs about moral dilemmas, you're witnessing something that's really going to help society. 

4.  The Munchkins from The Wizard of Oz

Little did they know that they would turn into very tasty mini-donuts served by Dunkin Donuts until the name became too politically incorrect.  Soon, George Lucas will find a way to go back and edit The Wizard of Oz so they're no longer referred to as munchkins.  Maybe he can CGI more flying monkeys too? 

3.  Mini-Jesus

Though the film has not been made yet, I promise you when the day comes, that a Bruce Willis style action movie comes out, starring Samuel L. Jackson as Jesus (of course) and his partner is a white mini-Jesus, this mini-Jesus will crush it.

2.  Verne Taylor

Mini-me is probably the most beloved little person ever.  I'd make him #1 except for the fact that …

1.  Tony Cox

Exists.  He's probably most known for his role in Bad Santa, but he's done much more, including being an Ewok, and in WillowThe only thing harder in life than being a little person, is being a black little person, well, unless you’re a gay black little person who believes in Allah.  He's also appeared in videos with Eminem and Snoop Dogg.  That's quite a career that hasn't once been stunted.

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