Tia Carrere: Where Is She Now?

It's hard to believe that there was a window in the early 90s where teenage boys like myself lusted after her. She's a pretty lady sure, but watching Wayne's World, it's hard to find where she actually has talent. It was almost as if Michael Myers or Penelope Spheeris thought she was the next big thing and were marketing her during this movie, either that, or she was on the Mirthmobile's floor giving Garth b-jays.

Ahh, the Mirthmobile. That's now the 4^th mobile I'm aware of, and as I've always said, it takes a very unique character to have a mobile. Naturally, you have Batman driving his Batmobile, the Pope has a Popemobile, Mayor McCheese had a mobile in his heyday being a pimp for McDonalds and now I have a 4^th mobile to add to my collection, which is indeed the Mirthmobile, but let's get back to Ms. Carrere, who may not have ever been part of a mobile experience, but was part of a deadly motorcade in True Lies, so she's got that going for her.

Wayne's World displays Tia's talents as an actress, and a rock star and by "talents," I mean whatever those motions and facial expressions she makes are called. It's almost like there was Cantonese appreciation week, and she was given the role. As an actress, you can tell she forcing everything, be it laughing, being angry, being caring. It's almost like she has no soul whatsoever. As poor as that may be, her brief dabble in a music career is much worse. She made the right decision going the acting route. When Tia screams, be it in a Jimi Hendrix cover, or "Ballroom Blitz," it leads to nightmares. It makes the man grunts of the 4 Non Blondes chick sound like the siren's call. Even scarier, is that those sounds are still better than whatever it is she does when she tries to sing a ballad like that "Why You Wanna Break My Heart" song. Mersh. Being so brutal, I have to end this on a nice note for her, she's still the most popular Cantonese person I know, so the citizens of Cantonia probably worship her.