I swear i'll be writing more in 2014

Wednesday, December 23, 2009


Number 9 and 10.

We lost 2 people from Cannonball Run this year, and they were Dom DeLuise and FarrahFawcett, so they make up numbers 9 and 10, and you can put them in whatever order you like. I spoke about this briefly when I did my little write up of the movie here ...http://thedailydeuce.blogspot.com/2009/12/pandemonium-of-cannonball-run.html.

How will Post 9/11 America react to death of the rest of Cannonballers from least to most disappointing? (And I love the Top 10s within a Top 10)

10. Sammy Davis Jr and Dean Martin

Not disappointing because they're already dead. I'm sure there are some people who still may not know, but I imagine that moment of sorrow they have will be outweighed by the amount of embarrassment they feel for not knowing they're already dead.

9. Jamie Farr

Dude was the Sheik. When he dies, people are going to say to themselves, "That lovable Sheik from the Cannonball Run movies died?" After that, they'll get over it pretty quickly.

8. Joe Klecko

Now, I know most of you don't know who he is, but for us sports fans who collected football cards in the 80s, we will always know him as the Dom DeLuise (RIP) if you will, to Burt Reynolds' Mark Gastineau. They were a defensive force and like Hugh Green and Lee Roy Selmon's Expressway for the franchise young Tampa BAY! Buccaneers, for the Jets that will never be forgotten. In fact, while writing this, I've learned he's more respected via team Hall of Fame honors than Gastineau, but c'mon, just because Gastineau was an awful person off the field, he was the fucking man in the early 80s, and we care more about his death more than Kleckos. It's dawning on me that I may be judging both of their careers by the year 1983 though because seriously, all I can remember is the stats on the back of their 1984 football cards right now, and I don't care enough to do any more research.

7. Roger Moore

He's the second James Bond, so I imagine some tea and crumpet digesting wankers across the pond may care. I don't think America will. England shouldn't worry about him dying though, because after the United States gets through with them in the 2010 World Cup, I imagine the whole country will die of grief. I'm very excited for the Anti-English sentiment America will be capable of in the year 2010. Gotta love World Cup Soccer.

6. Peter Fonda

I may be wrong on how disappointed people will be when he dies, but that's mostly because if you put Peter Fonda and Henry Fonda in the same room, I wouldn't know which is which. They must be happy that the only reason why either is relevant is there are probably many people like me who know they've seen each in a couple of movies, but can never remember who is who, so one of them ends up getting credit for being in all of the movies. That's a nice little gimmick they have.

5. Bianca Jagger

I may be out of line here, but is she just keeping the Jagger last name just so idiots like me will put her as #5 on some random list on some meaningless blog? Part of me thinks so.

4. Jimmy "The Greek" Snyder

What bites is, I wasn't sure if he was dead or not, even though he's already wicked old in 1981 when this movie was released, and I promised myself I wouldn't confirm his aliveness while I wrote this and just use some sort of "I hope he's not already dead" joke in case I was wrong. Well, he's dead. Not only that, he died over 10 years ago. That may make him a great contestant for MTV's Remote Control's "Dead or Alive" channel, but that makes him a very poor choice as #5 on my list. Oh well.

3. Jackie Chan

This may sound funny, but people who have never met him are going to be quite sad when he dies. To offset the serious nature of this thought, let me think of the best ways for Jackie to go with a Top 2 within a Top 10 within a Top 14.

Top 2 Way For Jackie Chan to Die

2. Karate Fight with the Yakuza ... DUH!
1. Drunken Karate Fight with the Cobra Kai!!!!

2. Terry Bradshaw

The best way for Terry to go, that is if he wants to go out in the most shocking way possible, would be for him to go out with Howie Long somehow. I would say a FOX SPORTS plane crash along with Jimmy Johnson and JB, but J-John hasn't been there since Day 1, and JB was replaced by a cheaper version of himself years ago. Is there any more unnoticed practiced stereotype existing than FOX realizing Joe Buck was no JB, so they instead found another well-spoken, light-hearted, non-threatening black man to fill is role? I'm glad no one ever talks about these things because it really doesn't matter, but the FOX executives had to be thinking about those specific demographics when adding him to the mix, no?

1. Burt Reynolds

When people line up for his funeral, you know the "Wow, must be Burt Reynolds or something" joke will be cracked about 46 times.

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