I swear i'll be writing more in 2014

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Tony Montana's Bad Day Mang

Life's not eecy being da bad guy mang. Sure, da yeyo may lead to de power, which may lead to de weemen, but there's going to be a price mang. Jus' getting to say werss like yeyo and mang all da time may be a reassson alone to engage in a life of crime. Tony Montana mang, aside from Cuba's powers dat be, jus may be da worst Cuban of all time, so thank god he's not real, know what I'm sayin? I say dis because growing up in a place like West Hartford, you're really not exposed to Cuban people mang. In fact, I don't think I ever met a single non-gringo in my life until I moved to Florida. So basically, for a great part of my childhood, my views of Cubans were based off Fidel Castro and the cast of Scarface. If I grew up with certain prejudices, that's probably why and I apologize mang.

The worse day of someone's life is usually their last day mang. Sure, when people die of natural causes it's probably not so bad because one dies in der sleep. I also imagine if someone had something really bad happen to them mang, and they were kept alive with tubes and what not mang, and died shortly their after, the day of death is probably better than the day the whole shithouse went up in flames. Oh Jim Morrison, I've used your drunken ramblings for good! Tony Montana's worst day resulted from him making da only good decision he ever made in his life mang, and that's not killing that one muchacho's entire family. Never understood that. Tony was a cold blooded killer, to the point he killed his bes fren. Why da hell would he care about weemen and cheelren he didn't know mang? Why so noble? Everyone hates you, wants you dead, and if hell exists, you're definitely going there mang, so why stop at "no weemen and cheelren?" If he proceeded with blowing up that bomb, he may have never been killed, and dats a fac mang. (Well, at least by the clan that killed him. Let's be real here, he was going to go down no matter what, it was just a matter of who killed him and when).

So tha day starts wif him realizing his bes fren is going to marry his sister. I'm sure we'd all feel differently about situations like dis mang. To me, you want your sister to be happy and you want your best friend to be happy, so if dey love each other, that's a good thing mang. However, if you have feelings for your sister that defy the laws of nature, that may freak you out a bit. Tony's reaction is, "Hey, if you're sleeping with my sister mang, I'm gonna shoot ya!" Not a good way to start the day, Jose. Naturally, what's going to happen next is de sister is going to become deranged mang. So, while he's all zooted up on the yeyo, sis comes into his office and starts seducing him. This indirectly leads to her being shot as da Bolivian Cartel starts leading an attack on Tony Montana's compound. So now, he's killed his bes fren and his sister is dead mang. Notta good day. Oh, and his compound is being attacked by dozens of Bolivian assassins, frowny face. You know what cheers me up though mang, when my place is being attacked by dozens of Bolivian assassins? Pulling out a really big gun and mowing them all down while shouting, "Say hello to my little fren!". Tony agrees, and does the same. It almost works too. When you're going down, you may as well take as many people as you can wit'choo, right? Unfortunately though, thee ol' assassin with cool sunglasses sneaks up from behind and shoots him right in the back of the head mang. Dat's a pretty tough one to get over. Like I said, not a good day for Tony Montana mang.

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