Friday, February 15, 2008
Who is Fox Trying to Scare Me With Today?
Don't know if this will be recurring, but after they tried to scare me with pregnant ladies carrying bombs instead of babies, that did it for me. Pregnant women are to be feared enough without them being Al-Qaeda. So this morning, I'm clicking on FOXNEWS.COM and seeing who's gonna get me.
1. A Wild Gunman. I'm sure every news outlet is carrying that horrible story, so now FOX FEAR on that one. Wild Gunman. Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't that a Nintendo game, or maybe an Atari Game? I'd research this if it were important (I'm on it). Hellz-yeah! Some things from the 80s you just don't forget. Fortunately, Wild Gunman was a western game where you shoot mean cowboys, rather than college students.
2. Arizona Busts Massive Immigrant Smuggling Ring. Ofcouse I have to be afraid of Mexicans. What would FOX be without making me wanna say, "Dey took our jyobs!" I'm sorry, I think Mexicans prefer to be called Illegals now.
3. The recession ofcourse. No one is feeling this more than the real estate market people.
4. Girl Finds Dad Dead with Corkscrew in his head. This kinda sucks because I'm a big wine drinker. Sometimes, some corks are more troublesome than others and you have to use more force. Once you use more force, you never know what's gonna happen, but "corkscrew to the head" never really crossed my mind.
5. Why is the U.S. Taking Out it's Own Spy Sattelite? I love how FOX openly roots for the government rather than the people. This is what makes other news networks so damned liberal. They try to inform the viewer of corrupt government officials/policies and what not, but FOX treats the viewer as if he/she's corrupt.
6. Typo Spurs Erroneous Bonds Report. If Clemens and Bonds go away yesterday, it's still not soon enough. I've decided though, no HOF for the juicers. The list: McGwire, Bonds, Clemens, Sosa, Palmiero and Curt Schilling, sure he's not a juicer, but he's just such a douchebag. Anyone who puts red paint on his socks so he looks like a "warrior" shouldn't be allowed in the Hall. Well, that and his stats aren't good enough.
7. Armed Man Terrorizes K-Mart Customers. I could go with the requestite "If you shop at K-mart, you deserve what you get" kinda response, but that's not very nice. So how about, what the hell was the gunman thinking that people that shop at K-Mart have money? Atleast upgrade to Wal-Mart or Target bro.
8. Kids Clothing Gives Teacher Migraines. I've always been scared of what children wear, so this is nothing new, jeez.
This is getting old, so I'll rap it up ...
The Meat-Cleaver Therapist Killer ... (I'll take The/rapists for 100 Alex!")
Tidal Wave could destroy Colorado town ... sure, it could happen.
Ex-prisoners in bus abandoned on highway ... (Stay Away from the Treasure!)
30 Day Sex Challenge! ... I'm in. I could easily have sex for 30 days in a row. I gotta find a church with a pastor like this.