I swear i'll be writing more in 2014

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

The Best Elimination Tournaments Ever!

Tuesday night has become my favorite night of television all of a sudden. I'll be caught up in whatever I'm doing, and then see the clock tick past 8 pm, and I gotta see whatever states results come in. Seriously, who cares about Wisconsin? I mean, I do because I have family there, but as a nation, do we really care what Wisconsin thinks? Here are the states that matter:

New York
Texas (unfortunately)
Oregon/Washington (really should just emerge into one state)
Ver Hampshire (again, one state to rule them all)
Pennsylvania ... and I guess
Ohio, but quite honestly, I don't give two shits about what someone from Ohio thinks, seeing the average Ohioan thought is, "I waited in line 6 hours to get my KISS tickets!"

other than that, the rest of these states are for the badgers.

So why do I stop whatever I'm doing, to find out how "Nebraska feels" or "Wisconsin feels" or "Oklahoma feels"?

Because if there's one thing I love more than a good list, it's a good elimination tournament with lots of cuts.

That said, the top 5 best elimination tournaments ever.

5. The Reality TV Show Formula

Why won't reality TV go away? Because 9/10ths of the shows have a nice simple formula Americans love. Find around 20 annoying douchebags and drama queens, and have an elimination based on who's the most telegenic. To be a reality contestant, you have to find that perfect balance between being annoying (but not too annoying that you'd get eliminated early), intelligent (but not too intelligent that you'd get eliminated early) and controversial, (but not too controversial that you'd get eliminated early). Throw on some make up to make sure you're good lookin, AND YOU CAN BE A REALITY TV CHAMPION!!!! Gross.

4. The Road to the White House

When you have such a terrible president, it's fun to see how eager both parties are to have new candidates to have the opportunity to fill that void. Remember a few months ago, when names like Joseph Biden; the crazy guy from Alaska; that dude with the smokin hot wife; Nolan Richardson; the dude from L.A. Law; crazy Ron Paul; Huckabee; Edwards; Remember 9/11? Giuliani; and Hillary Clinton (YES, WE CAN!!!) were all seeking the office? Now it's down to just two guys. Young black man vs. Old white man. Should be interesting. Did I just jinx Barack? No. Jinx's are superstitions, duh.

3. A WWF Battle Royal from the 80s.

Anytime I can do a list with a reference to 1980s wrestling, it's a must. This time, I've got two of these for you. There was one battle royal where Jimmy "The Mouth of the South" Hart went under the bottom rope (which means he's still in the tourney) and hid under the squared-circle. When the last wrestler was in the ring, and started celebrating, Jimmy came out from under the ring and pushed him over the top rope, and won the tourney. Classic. Also, in Wrestlemania 2, they had a huge tourney in which alot of professional football players competed. I was really impressed by that when I was 9.

2. Life

Is there any tournament greater than the elimination tournament known as life?

1. March Madness.

Yes, there is.

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