I swear i'll be writing more in 2014

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Michigan Detroit Michael Moore Red Wing Lion Piston Goodness

Oh, and I forgot about the tigers ... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

How much time do you think American's spend on making sure their ellipses' are only three dots? Too much if it's more than one second, and I bet it is, because it just took me longer than that to make sure mine was correct.

Okay, so today is the Michigan primary. Let's review. This things I know about Michigan:

Michael Moore is a jolly fat douche bag that makes great liberal propaganda "documentaries"

The Detroit Red Wings are probably their most successful sports franchise, and it's kinda cool that a hockey team comes to mind before football or baseball.

Their other sports franchises are the Pistons (who have Uconn alum Rip Hamilton), the Tigers who should be killing 4 year old kids who "cross the line" at the zoo, and the Lions, and getting back to the Pistons, honest ta god, I have no fucking clue what a Piston is. I'm guessing a baby tiger or someone holding a gun.

Speaking of people holding guns, Detroit is also home to M&M, ya know, that silly white guy rapper who is no longer relevant because after his shock value wore off, he really had nothing. Either that or the fact that it's impossible for a rapper to be popular for more than 5 years. One or the other.

Desmond Howard went to Michigan and did a queer little Heisman pose when he scored a touchdown. I think he won the Heisman that year, but seriously, all I remember is his queer little pose. If you're an athlete, and you planned a "celebration dance" when you score, I bet you've sucked more cocks than most people who don't consider themselves gay. I'm looking at you Chad Johnson and TO (oh, and TO, tissues are in aisle 4).

Okay, that's about all I know about Michigan. They have great lakes and most of the people that live there would rather live in Canada, which really puts Michigan in perspective. Screw Michigan. How seriously can you take any city (Detroit in this case) that doesn't fire someone as inept as Matt Millen? If we could give this state to Canada in a trade for let's say, hmmm, mounties, or an appreciation for hockey, I'd do it in an instant. Honestly, I'd give Canada the state, just so it's not associated with America.

That said, who are the political winner's and losers of the state?

I'm saying Romney and Clinton, why? Because they're the two candidates on either side of the board that lack integrity and originality, the two things Michigonians have no clue about. Kinda like us Floridians discussing hills and snow.

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