I swear i'll be writing more in 2014

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Things I Always Thought Were Cool Due to Beastie Boy Lyrics

Rhymin & Stealin

  • To start this whole thing out, PIRATES! ARRRRRRR! This is the best Gasparilla song to date.
  • Ali Baba and the forty thieves (of course)
  • Drinkin, not thinking (though, this would probably disappoint MCA)
  • The song "I Fought the Law" 
The New Style
  • Cattin (in 1986, I had no idea what this meant)
  • Doing the Smurf
  • White Castle
  • My jammy
  • Lincoln Continental
  • Rolling Up a wolly and watching Colombo
  • DRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOP! (seeing Chappelle get to do this on the recently released lost B-Boys performance from Season 3 of his show, it looked he was getting to fulfill a life long dream.  After all, who wouldn't want to be the one who gets to say "DROP!" with the Beastie Boys). 
Posse In Effect
  • The smurf again (I'll admit it, I have no idea what doing The Smurf is, but it's now been referenced twice).
  • Abe Vigoda
  • Wearing a hat and not a visor 
Slow Ride
  • Old Crow
  • Woolers (I believe it's a joint mixed with PCP, but not sure.  I don't think they're cool, not have I ever tried or wanted to try one, but you have to admit, it's like the Jeffrey before there was a Jeffrey). 
  • Sittin around the house, getting high and watchin tube (Again, MCA would probably frown on this activity)
  • Not being able to pay attention to fly ladies cuz you're on that dust.  Relating to the pro-drug lines when I was smoking pot in college made this album much better than it was when I listened to it back in elementary school.  MCA Frowny face. 
  • Jockin' Mike D. to my dismay 
No Sleep Till Brooklyn
  • Skeezin
Paul Revere
  • Doing it like this, doing it like that, doing it with a whiffleball bat
  • Punching the piano player in the face for no reason at all 
Hold It Now, Hit It
  • Having friends in high places that keep you high (sorry MCA, I can't stop with the pot references). 
  • O.E.
  • Ed Norton (not our generations Ed Norton ofcourse)
  • Ted Knight 
Brass Monkey
  • Brass Monkey is oj and a forty.  If you're older, I suggest juice and a saison. 
  • Spanish Fly 
Slow and Low
  • Bugaloo Flu
  • White Castle fries only coming in one size
  • Cheech and Chong (Believe it or not, the first time I ever heard of these two was through this band, ofcourse, it's '86 and I'm in 6th grade so maybe that's earlier than others). 
Time to Get Ill
  • First time I ever heard Creedence was the sample in this song, but probably not the first time I heard Zeppelin … and no, it wasn't "Rhymin & Stealin" either.  
Shake Your Rump
  • Jumping on a float at Mardi Gras
  • Having a Billy Goat beard
  • Disco calls
  • "That's the Joint"
  • Club Med
  • Lava Lamps
  • The Patty Duke Show
  • Using Clarence as an alias 
Johnny Ryall
  • Ed Koch
  • Maggie's Farm, which is their first of many Dylan references.  In 1989, I was still yet to hear or care about Bob Dylan
  • Louis Vuitton
  • "Mr. Big Stuff" 
Egg Man
  • First time I heard "Superfly"
  • Rastamen saying "Bloodclost"
  • The Beastie Boys sampling Public Enemy's "You're Gonna Get Yours" was great because it was one of my favorite bands sampling another favorite band of mine at the time. 
  • Dolemite.  Who knows if I ever would've watched a Dolemite movie without this line.  I doubt it.  
High Plains Drifter
  • I watched an old Clint Eastwood movie because of this song
  • I enjoy the Eagles song "Those Shoes" because of this song. 
  • Fear and loathing … Hunter S. Thompson
  • Travis Bickle, well before I saw Taxi Driver
  • Any time in life, someone says "Motel 6", I always have to say, "It's five dollars extra to get the porno flicks" after. 
  • Like Dolemite, I'm pretty certain there's a group of us who think Steve McQueen is cool simply because the Beastie Boys referenced him. 
  • "Outta the car long hair!"
  • Telling a friend that I bet one horse to win, and his mother to show. 
  • "Suzi is a headbanger" 
Sounds of Science
  • This song pre-dates my listening to The Beatles, which are sampled here numerous times. 
  • Not caring about being kicked out of the Palladium
  • "Right up to your face and dis you!" – BDP
  • The suckers in the badges and blue jackets making the crack. 
  • Someone says "Ponce De Leon", I say or think "Constantly on, the fountain of youth not Roboron"
  • Going out first class not going out coach
  • "I do not sniff the coke I only smoke sinsemilla" … With this you can tell, they're beginning to get away from all the dust references from their previous album, but other lyrics on the album suggest they're pretty heavily involved in the drug culture still, so we're not there yet. 
  • Cheech Wizard
  • Galileo dropping an orange 
Three Minute Rule
  • Being so rope, they call you Mr. Roper
  • "I'm just chillin, like Bob Dylan"
  • Cheeba
  • Mothership Connection.  I wouldn't listen to Parliament for my first time until about '96. 
  • On the Road by Jack Kerouac
  • "Are You Experienced?" 
Hey  Ladies
  • I swear, I'm not sure Boogie Nights would've happened without this video
  • Sadaharu Oh
  • Dating women on TV with the help of Chuck Woolery
  • I never would have watched "Welcome Back Kotter" without this line
  • Chachi in Charge
  • Won Ton Ho
  • "The Ballroom Blitz" 
Looking Down the Barrel of Gun
  • Ultra violence … A Clockwork Orange
  • Die Harder like my kid Bruce Willis 
Car Thief
  • Right now, I'd rather eat another hash brownie
  • Learning from Ricky that you have to toke and pass.  I'm sure I was in countless joint smoking sessions where I said this and followed it up with or Mookie's gonna kick your muthafuckin' ass.
  • See personally, I wouldn't want to go out like that
  • Ecstasy, elephant traquilizer and a "caine" filled Kool, Bowie coke mirror … okay, maybe they're still far from deviating from the drug culture. 
  • "Homeboy, throw in the towel, your girl got dicked by Ricky Powell"
  • Hurdy Gurdy Man 
What Comes Around
  • If one says, "you're all mixed up" or hell, even if someone says "all messed up" I have to say like pasta primavera
  • Throwing a chair at Geraldo Rivera
  • Having more "Louie" than Phil Rizzuto 
  • Who shall inherit the earth, the meek shall
  • Jacoby & Meyers
  • J.D. Sallinger and Charles Dickens
  • Alfred E. Newman
  • "Never gonna let 'em say that I don't love you" 
B-Boy Bouillabaisse
  • Fat Morton Jelly Role
  • Getting over on your girlie cause you know she never says no
  • Pulling in residuals
  • Lightning up when the lights go down
  • "Stop that train, I wanna get off"
  • Bernie Goetz (not that he was cool, but you know what I mean)
  • George Drakoulias
  • "Who's That Lady"
  • "Hello Brooklyn" is probably the first time I ever appreciated boomin' bass.
  • "Buffalo Soldier"
  • Having a jammy, but not the permit
  • Like so many other classic musicians, this is the first time I ever heard Johnny Cash with the "just to watch him die" sample
  • My name is not O'Houigheighi or is it Brian.  This is a college thing for me which I barely even understand anymore
  • "If you explain to a musician, him knew it, but can't do it"
  • Hawthorne Wingo
  • Giving a girl you just met your card and having it read Napoleon Bonaparte
  • The flavor of Fruit Striped Gum
  • Buttering muffins
  • Raymond Burr
  • Being so high, you could call me your highness
  • "It's a trip, it's got a funky beat and I can bug out to it"
  • Going AWOL 
Pass the Mic
  • Jimmy Walker's "Dynamite!"
  • I'm like "Clyde" and I'm rockin steady.  (Walt "Clyde" Frazier … I finally get this after all these years of wondering who the hell "Clyde" was)
  • One of these days, B (it may be "D", but I say "B" either way) 
Finger Lickin' Good
  • Paul Bunyon
  • "Minnie the Moocher" but not "Pete the Puma" for some reason
  • "I'm going back to New York City, I do believe I've had enough".  This was the sample that made me seek out Bob Dylan.  To this day, "Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues" is one of my favorites to play just because the entire time it builds up to this line.  
So What'cha Want
  • Spoonie Gee, the metropolitician
  • Chevy Impala
  • Gardena
  • "Cool as cucumber in a bowl of hot sauce"  Something else really cool, is meeting your girlfriend many many years after the Beastie Boys became cool and seeing her favorite lines as well 
Mark on the Bus
  • Wild man, WILD!
  • You're stupid, huh?  You should sleep late man, it's much easier on your constitution.  Of course, these are just samples that I have no idea where they came from and don't feel like perusing the internet to find out.  
Professor Booty
  • Shut the fuck up, Chico, man.  I'd paint 3 of those murals for some of that ass
  • A good mix-tape to put you in the right mood
  • Tom Vu
  • Low-Rider Bicycles 
Sure Shot
  • "Howlin For Judy" sample
  • Lee Dorsey … and it turns out he's funky, so this line is no joke
  • The Taking of the Pelham 1, 2, 3 was actually remade but this probably doesn't have anything to do with this reference.
  • John Woo
  • Rod Carew, which now means they have more hits than Sadaharu Oh and mad hits like Rod Carew.
  • Got more rhymes than I got gray hairs is the signature line that the beloved punks are getting old
  • Lee "Scratch" Perry
  • King Adrock being all fucked up in the corner and not changing his style just to fit in.  I love how real they were, especially with each other.  The fact that MCA and his Buddhism and Adrock's love for being fucked up wasn't a problem for these three, I'm sure it wasn't too difficult for them to get over any other lifestyle changes.  This must have been the biggest the band ever faced.  
Tough Guy
  • It was great to see that the Boys hated Bill Laimbeer just like everyone else 
B-Boy Makin' With the Freak Freak
  • K-Rob and Ramaellzee
  • Russell Simmons steals money … I disliked Simmons for years because of this line.  Fortunately, those fences were mended. 
  • Hair cut correct like Anthony Mason.  I'm pretty certain it's the B-Boys love for the Knicks that made me pull for them during playoff basketball of the 90s.  I sure hope it wasn't Spike Lee, but it very well could've been him too.
  • "Shit, if this is gonna be that kinda party I'm gonna stick my dick on the mashed potatoes"
  • Legalize the weed and I'll say thank heavens
  • Golf references.  The B-Boys added hipness to golf for a generation that didn't give two shits about it until Tiger Woods came along. 
  • Timbos 
Root Down
  • Putting your root down
  • "Sweetie Pie" by Stone Alliance
  • Dick Hyman
  • Busy Bee 
Get it Together
  • Believe it or not, this is the first time I heard Q-Tip, unless you count his one line in "Me, Myself and I"
  • John Starks
  • John Holmes
  • Evan Bernard
  • Kung Fu Grip 
Alright Hear This
  • Drivin' like a maniac on the streets
  • Les McCann 
Flute Loop
  • I feel like a winner when I make a mix-tape.  1994 is probably the last time people made mix-tapes.  
Do It
  • A 6.7 on the Richter Scale.  Basically, I use this as a barometer for strong earthquakes.  If one strikes that's higher than 6.7, I know it's gotta be bad because it rocks harder than the King Ad Rock.
  • Elvis Costello
  • If I'm ever in Hollywood, you know I'm getting a picture of myself at Glendale Blvd.  
The Scoop
  • This is rough and tough
  • D.I.Y., that means do it yourself
  • Mackadocious 
Super Disco Breakin
  • Pannenkoeken 
The Move
  • I'm intercontinental when I eat French toast. 
  • Dogs love me cause I'm crazy sniffable; I bet you never knew I got the ill peripheral 
Body Movin
  • Roy Cormier
  • Chateau Neuf de Pap
  • If you play Defender I could be your hyperspace 
  • It always brings me back when I hear Ooh Child
  • The Wop and the Flintstone Flop
  • Stir fry you in my wok 
Putting Shame in Your Game
  • 11 points off the word quagmire.  I never knew they referenced Boggle before the 11 points line so I always thought it referred to Scrabble, and they were WAY off.  Just goes to show you … Beastie Boys 1 Zach 0.  (Okay, it's more like Beastie Boys 5 billion Zach 0 when it comes to me butchering a lot of their lines). 
  • Every time someone says Lotto, I say "you gotta be in it to win it" 
Three MC's and One DJ
  • Miracle Mile
  • Krispy Kremes … they've referenced "Donuts that are dunkin" in the past, so I guess they have no personal favorites when it comes to donut places.  Being yanks, I imagine they'd side with Dunkin though, as most of us Yanks do. 
Grasshopper Unit
  • Lovey and Thurston Howellin'
  • Hal 9000
  • Inspector Clouseau and Derek Flint 
The Negotiation Limerick File
  • Live 6 feet deep just ain't the move 
  • Latrell Sprewell, who coincidentally blends in with all their other Knick references, and fulfills their request later in this song (Will someone on the Knicks please drive the lane) even though this is right after he choked the coach, not once but twice.
  • I wear permanent press so I'm always creased
  • Smokin roaches in the vestibule 
Ch-Check it Out
  • Lorne Green
  • I got class like Pink Champale
  • I fake right cause I always shoot lefty (so true for me, so true) 
Three the Hard Way
  • I put the satin in your panties 
Hey Fuck You
  • If you don’t like it than hey fuck you.  What’s not to like about that line? 
  • Ticky tack calls
  • MC’s are like clay pigeons when I’m shootin skeet.  The skeet phenomenon of the early aughts was a blast.
  • Got more rhymes than Carl Sagan’s got turtle necks
  • The sample of Marley Marl: “So Put a Quarter in Your Ass cuz you played yourself”
  • Albee Square Mall is on my list of Beastie Boy tourist destinations 
That’s It That’s All
  • My zodiac sign is Scorpio is now my official answer to the question, even though I’m a Capricorn, whatever that means. 
  • I’m a freaky streaker like Winnie the Pooh.  You know, I think it’s okay for me to talk about Winnie the Pooh again … many years later. 
  • I scrabble all night … NOW you Scrabble.  Where were you for me when you were the Boggle king? 
  • Internationally known as the Keebler Elf
  • I can’t believe it took until 2004 for the Beastie Boys to reference Crazy Eddie, but here we are.  Finally.  
  • Radio Shack.  I can’t believe Radio Shack still exists.  If it’s around in another 10 years, it deserves some kind of global acknowledgment.  If defies not only odds, but just about everything.  
Seeing Hot Sauce Committee has only been out for a year, I’ll simply just recite some lines I like from it:

  • “Pass me the scalpel, I’ll make the incision.  I’ll cut off  the part of your brain that does the bitchin”
  • “Opened up a restaurant, with Ted Danson”
  • “Now I don’t give a fuck who the hell you are.  Please stop shouting in your cellular.  I never asked to be part of your day, so please stop shouting in your phone okay”  Now yes, even though this doesn’t sound like Andy Rooney at the very end of 60 minutes, I’m still going to tell the next person who does this near me that I don’t want to be part of their day.
  • “Strawberry Letter 23 Like Shuggie”  Something that happened with latter day Beastie Boys is that is was cool when they referenced something that I already thought was cool and a little obscure. 
  • J.J. Fad reference
  • “I make ya sick like a Kenny Rogers Roasters”
  • “Running wild like rats at Taco Bell”.  Obviously the B-Boys had some bad fast food experiences.
  • The Jewish Brad Pitt, which is an homage to Jay-Z once stating he was the black Brad Pitt.  Me?  I’m the Polish Brad Pitt, which narrowly beat out the Left-Handed Brad Pitt. 
  • The pumps don’t work cuz the vandals took the handles … more Dylan
  • Mr. Softee!
  • Lastly, it’s an outtake for this album, but “Pop the balloon! Pop! Pop! The balloon!

1 comment:

  1. You're stupid, huh? You should sleep late man, it's much easier on your constitution.

    Came from National Lampoon radio sketch with Bill Murray as a bass player who delivers the line while being interviewed by Christopher Guest, who played Mr. Rogers.