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Tuesday, March 6, 2012

The Top 30 Best Movie Endings Ever

This is obviously pure spoiler alert because any movie on here will have the ending be a focal point of the discourse that follows.  Don't be alarmed though Kimosabi, these films are either decades old or at the very least a few years, so really, you should've seen them by now. 

30.  Bonnie and Clyde

I don't know why I'm such a fan of extremely violent endings to movies, but seeing these two being riddled with bullets out of nowhere was classic, even though I fell in love with Faye Dunaway in this movie and didn't want to see her go. 

29.  True Romance

More Violence: I like cops pointing their guns at the security guards who are pointing their guns at the mafia who are pointing their guns at cops for an ending.  The only downside is Christian Slater gets away.  The perfect ending would've been letting Patricia Arquette get away with all the money so she could find someone a little better than Christian Slater … Kiefer Sutherland perhaps.  Okay, I'll do it …

            Top 6 Young Guns

            6.  Lou Diamond Phillips
            5.  Emilio Estevez (Finally! A List Where Emilio Isn't the Worst!)
                        4.  Christian Slater
                        3.  Cameron from Ferris Bueller
                        2.  Charlie Sheen
                        1.  Jack Bauer

28.  King Kong

What's not to love about a giant gorilla destroying New York City?  Kong was like the Al-Qaeda of the 1930s.  I don't like seeing him die at the end though, especially in the Peter Jackson remake. 

27.  The Karate Kid

The crane kick!  As annoying as LaRusso is, it's great to see him march through pretty much everyone in the Cobra Kai dojo to victory.  A great way to ruin this series yet make it more entertaining would've been to have him fight Mr. Miyagi eventually, maybe having one of them turn evil at some point like it was professional wrestling. 

26.  One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

Though I don't like the fact Jack Nicholson dies, I do appreciate the large Native American throwing the thingy through the window and running away.  I don't like using terms like Native American though.  Going out of ones way to try to be politically correct seems like an acceptance of the fact that you see someone differently and the only way you can make up for it is labeling them as something as vanilla as possible.  If I said Indian, it's like I have nothing to hide.  Same thing for Black vs. African-American.  People who use African-American I bet are more racist than people who just say black, they just hide it better. 

25.  Inglorious Basterds

I can't believe it took until 2009 to formulate a story in which all the worst Nazi's are killed at once in violent bloodbath.  If Steven Spielberg had more evil in him, we could've had this years ago. 

24.  A Few Good Men

In retrospect, it's a little disappointing that Tom Cruise gets over on Jack Nicholson, but Jack Nicholson's rant before he owns up to the code red makes the rest of the movie worth it.  Col. Jessup doesn't deserve to go to jail anymore than Downey and Dawson do.  It was just an unfortunate incident that, though grotesque and incomprehensible, probably saved lives. 

23.  The Player

This isn't that popular of a movie but it's the perfect ending.  The rich movie executive gets away with murder while Julia Roberts is saved from execution by Bruce Willis at the very last second.  Love it. 

22.  Easy Rider

Hippies shot dead by rednecks!  What's not to love?  This is a liberal's greatest nightmare and why they typically avoid the South as much as possible. 

21.  Fargo

Steve Buscemi is put through a wood chipper.  One day soon, I'll have my most violent movie deaths, and this one will rank veddy veddy high.  Frances McDormand's scolding look and comments after she gets the bad guy fit perfectly as well. 

20.  Raiders of the Lost Ark

Melting Faces! Melting Faces!  Nazi's dying violently is always a good way to end a movie. 

19.  Planet of the Apes


Obviously, I cannot wait for Rise of the Planet of the Apes to come out on BlueRay.

18.  Star Wars

Any movie in which a Death Star is blown up at the end has to be ranked, well, except for Return of the Jedi. 

17.  Reservoir Dogs

Here's another example of QT having the multiple participant shootout.  Though it's probably a fact that Mr. Pink doesn't get away with the diamonds, I like to think that he does and he's the only "Dog" left standing so ultimately the winner. 

16.  The Graduate

The window banging is indeed classic, but there's no way one hooks up with a daughter after they've been screwing the mother unless it's a porno. 

15.  Mr. Smith Goes to Washington

Here we have the famous Filibuster scene.  Perhaps the best scene in this movie though is when Mr. Smith gets to Washington, has a bad article printed about him and goes around town punching the media.  It's too bad politicians can't do that today and still win elections.  This is why I don't want them to remove fighting from hockey.  Aside from the fact that it does help police the sport, just imagine how much more exciting the state of politics would be today if their were more fist fights?  I bet people would watch more C-SPAN, that's for sure. 

14.  Thelma and Louise

There will probably never be a more perfect example of what happens when you take away one's reason and accountability. 

Cook: I hate it when these waffles stick together
Waitress:  Sticking together is what good waffles do!

13.  The Departed

Everyone dies except Marky Mark, who's the only lovable character in the movie.  For Leo haters …

            Top 3 Best Moments of Pain for Leonardo DiCaprio

3.  Gangs of New York

Aside from a luck win at the end, Bill the Butcher beats the crap out of him which is great to watch.

2.  The Departed

Leo gets shot in the head!  How perfect!  How could a Leo hater not love this movie?

1.      The Titanic

If one is really a Leo hater, I imagine watching him freeze to death slowly is probably their favorite, "Seeing Leo go through excruciating pain" moment.

12.  Scarface

This is another example of my tendency towards violent bloodbath endings, but who doesn't love the line, "Say hello to my little friend!"  You almost wish Tony Montana pulls it out in the end, but there's just no way, nor does he deserve it either. 

11.  There Will Be Blood

Here we have the classic bowling pin beat down scene.  Eli just doesn't know who he's messing with.  It's easy to point at the greed of Daniel Plainview but Eli has it too, and that's what really makes this ending so spectacular is that it has an evil man who understands he's not a good person who destroys a preacher full of hocus pocus who doesn't understand that he too is not a good person. 

10.  Gone With the Wind

Saying "Damn" back in the late 30s on the Big Screen was a big deal at the time.  It's basically the equivalent of someone calling Scarlett Johansson a cunt at the end of a movie now. 

9.  Do the Right Thing

As far as tragic endings go, this one is one of the best.  Nothing good comes out of it at all.  The pizza shop is ruined, a lovable character is dead, there's an awful riot, it's just horrible on every level, so by "Great" ending here, I don't mean happy, but very very real.  After all, when I grew up in neighborhoods like this, it was like this almost every Sunday night.  I didn't even take baths on Sundays, I'd just wait for the poh-poh to come and knock me down with the fire hoses like I was Rosa Parks. 

8.  Unforgiven

Clint Eastwood avenges Morgan Freeman's death and knocks it out of the park. 

7.  The Godfather

Michael wacks the heads of the other families, Moe Green, avenges his brother's death, has to kill Tessio, and assumes power of the Corleone family.  Beautiful. 

6.  The Usual Suspects

Without this surprise ending, this film probably wouldn't be half as beloved as it is now.  This is one of those films where you wished you walked out of the theatre, and while passing everyone in line for the next showing said, "Wow, I can't believe Kevin Spacey was Kaiser Soze all along!"

5.  It's a Wonderful Life

It only loses points because it's almost too much.  The swing from near suicide to realizing how precious everything in life is sounds kind of gay for an ending, but when you watch this film, you can't help but be moved. 

4.  Casablanca

The guy doesn't end up with the girl!  If you've ever seen the outtakes of this film with the alternate ending, it's just as wonderful. 

3.  The Godfather Part II

I always use this film as reference to when someone asks me if I've ever cried during a movie.  It may not be the moment when Fredo is killed on the boat, but it probably starts then and becomes uncontrollable with the flashback scene at the end when everyone is still alive, as if that was the families last wonderful moment together.  I hate that scene, as beautiful as it is. 

2.  The Empire Strikes Back

Perhaps what makes Empire one of the greatest films ever is the darkness of the ending.  Not only does Han Solo get frozen, C3P0 get blown up, evil basically win, but we have the Heart of Darkness like moment when we find out Darth is Luke's father, after Vader whoops his ass in a light saber fight.  I'd have this be #1 except for the fact that …

1.  The Shawshank Redemption

Exists.  Let's face it.  This is a very good movie that becomes elite simply because of the ending.  In movies like this, a happy ending seems impossible and realistically, well, it probably is, but this movie is done so magically that even though in real life it may not seem possible, it's not only possible here, it's reality and you don't even have to take a leap of faith.  It almost seems like this was based on a true story, and that's why I love it so much.  

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