I swear i'll be writing more in 2014

Monday, September 26, 2011

Dilemmas from The Hangover

There are two types of people in this world, those who wake up hungover and prefer to deal with a random tiger in the bathroom, and those who wake up hungover and prefer to deal with a random baby crying the closet.  I'm the former.  First off, I'd rather deal with the roaring than the crying.  Secondly, I imagine stealing a tiger lands you less jail time than possibly stealing a baby, and lastly, I'm probably more afraid of babies than I am tigers. 

Probably thee worst sound when your hungover is the sound of a baby crying.  In fact, the Top 5 sounds I least want to hear when I'm hungover are:

5.  Someone yelling
4.  Revved Up Car Engine Idling and Given Gas or Harley
3.  Modern Pop Music
2.  A Blender
1.  Baby Crying

A tiger roaring may seem a little scarier, but the uniqueness of a tiger roar would be a lot of fun, even if it's coming from the bathroom.  Knowing what the characters from The Hangover end up knowing, maybe the baby is the better decision sure, but my decisions are based on right when you wake up, and the blackout slowly subsides.

Having an unknown baby to have to report to the police seems like certain jail time.  Sure, in this film it's not, but if I ever wake up, and there's a baby I don't recognize anywhere near where I wake up, I know I've fucked up bad.  A trickier dilemma is, is this worse than stealing a cop car?  Obviously the crew got off way too easy in the film, but that's what happens when you get arrested by people who also appear on "The Daily Show."  You tend to be ridiculed more so than you deserve, but are set free after being the clown with dem liberal pies thrown at you. 

Real life dictates this being a felony.  Hell, it's a felony to vandalize a cop car, but fortunately not to back into a cop car because that would've landed Isaac Brock in jail.  With a random baby, there's a greater chance of a decent explanation for the situation whereas you either steal a cop car, or don't steal a cop car.  Chances of a reasonable explanation for that for the police are nil. 

What makes the crew's hangover so real, is not that it perfectly captures a remorseful hangover, but something much worse, a fearful hangover.  Babies, tigers, the cops, gangs, drug dealers, marriage chapels, Mike Tyson, and hospitals are something nobody wants to be part of their fun evening out, well, maybe meeting Mike Tyson would be fun.  Maybe.  Aside from loud noises, the things I'd want to deal with least the day after a fun evening out would be:

5.  Errands
4.  Drug Dealers
3.  Babies
2.  Cops
1.  Tragedy

There's no tragedy in this film, (thank god), but the movie pretty much contains the rest.  Hell, checking out of a hotel alone sucks when you're hungover. 

I haven't seen the sequel yet, and I'm sure it will hit #1 in my Netflix queue when it comes out on BlueRay.  I've heard it's exactly like the first, just not nearly as funny.  I imagine soon their will be a Hangover 3 when Brad gets re-married and the bachelor party will be in Amsterdam, and the series, still banking, will conclude with a Hangover 4 with Zach getting married, which naturally will have to take place at Disneyworld and contain many awkward scenes between Galifinakis and toddlers which will lead to the right wing using him as a scapegoat and going for an arrest like he was Jim Morrison in '69 in Miami. 

This is where we're headed.

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