I swear i'll be writing more in 2014

Monday, May 10, 2010

Christian Slater's Celebrity Encounters While Filming True Romance

Before I get started on Christian Slater's life long dream coming true, and that is getting to be the lead in a fun action film with one of the best casts ever, True Romance came out in a time when the MTV movie awards were just getting started which leads to the question, what's worse, being nominated for MTV's Best Kiss, or winning MTV's Best Kiss? That's a tough one along the same lines as sometimes it's better to not know a Trivial Pursuit answer because it proves you know absolutely nothing about "Dancing With the Stars". This is a good thing. Anyways, here's Christian Slater's … Celebrity Encounters.

To begin, Slater gets to play an Elvis fan who meets up with a really hot Patricia Arquette, who should never do voiceovers by the way, and every word he gets to say is based on a screenplay written by Quentin Tarantino. Let's just say that alone could be the best it ever gets for him. This has to be his wet dream.

After meeting this beautiful girl who knows Gary Oldman, he gets to meet him as well. When he does, Oldman is dressed up as this guy named Drexel who says funny things like, "it ain't white boy day, is it?" He also ends up killing a vastly superior actor, which always has to be fun for lesser actors. Imagine if Anthony Michael Hall killed Steve Buscemi in a movie. It's kind of like that. The only downside of this sequence is Slater just misses an opportunity to meet pre-Pulp Fiction Samuel L. Jackson which would have been killer, but sadly Drexel kills him before Slater gets there. Wah wah.

When most people have psychotic visions of talking to our superheroes or idols, they're usually just the people themselves. So what's cooler than having Elvis talking inside your head? How about Val Kilmer playing Elvis and talking in your head? Yes, Ice Man himself is there to keep Slater cool under intense acting situations. I can almost see Slater going back to his acting trailer and asking Val Kilmer for advice on how to play the role and Val Kilmer responding with things like, "Look, you know I'm not really Elvis right, and I only have like 3 lines in this movie? Maybe you should ask the director."

I'm sure most of us love our dads and couldn't imagine anyone else being our dad, but when Slater found out his dad in this movie was going to be Dennis Hopper (RIP … and man, this RIP is much tougher for me to write than Swayze's or Ted Kennedy's) he must have called Emilio Estevez and said, "Take that Billy the Kid, Arkansas Dave Rudabaugh gets to work with Dennis Hopper! Have fun making trash man movies with your brother!" Also, no one says "Man" like Dennis Hopper. All of a sudden I'm distracted by the death of Dennis Hopper. People should say, "Man" more. Sadly, his dad ends up getting whacked trying to protect him but guess what? His dad gets whacked by Christopher Walken while Tony Soprano is looking on, and if your dad is going to be killed protecting your recent crime spree, can you think of a better way to go? Especially if your dad is semi-estranged as he is in this movie?

Now, in one of the more realistic aspects of the movie, Slater happens to be friends with Michael Rapoport, who plays such great roles as the main cop in Copland (his dream role, but that's a whole nother story), Remy from Higher Learning and one of Phoebe's boyfriends on "Friends." I could see these two guys as friends because after all, it's not much of a stretch. When I think of my life, and what my non-celebrity emotions would be like if I were friends with Michael Rapoport, I don't think my life would be different whatsoever, in fact it may even be kind of awkward, like the time some network was giving away a prize that included going to a football game with John Elway. It was right after Elway was getting divorced and I could picture sitting there at the game, with this football great you barely know, and it's already awkward because both of you are either quiet, or you're sitting there asking him all sorts of questions about his Super Bowl rings which he is certainly wearing. After about 2 or 3 beers though, you turn into his shoulder to cry on because of the divorce and you're like, "look buddy, I don't care about your personal life, just tell me what it was like to play with Karl Mecklenburg!" Anyways, what most makes the whole being friends with Michael Rapoport cool for Slater though, is that Rapoport happens to be roommates with stoner Brad Pitt. If you ever get a chance to meet Brad Pitt, he's probably best when he's pulling tubes from a plastic honey bear.

A story I think we'd all like to tell, is that we were involved in a drug deal with Balki Bartokomous. Say you're kicking it with your friends on a Friday night, telling whatever anecdotes you haven't already told. If you bust out a "Drug Deal with Balki Bartokomous"story, I promise everyone will stop what they're doing and listen. You could probably even embellish it a little and say Cousin Larry was there the whole time getting frustrated by Balki's erratic behavior. Seriously though, if either of the perfect strangers ever did blow, it was definitely get-rich-quick-scheming Cousin Larry. That guy had 80's coke addict written all over him.

Nothing could really top that anecdote, but before Christian Slater's tale of true romance comes to an end, his wife ends up killing Tony Soprano (another great anecdote, aside from the fact that your wife, even though in defense, has killed someone and no one probably wants to hear that story), and the cops chasing him, which he sees in his final showdown are none other than Sean Penn's brother, who's passed since, and Tom Sizemore who is battling severe demons and if he somehow got his hands on Slater's blow, he probably wouldn't be alive today, even though it's just a movie. In some demented way, Christian Slater's coke dealing prowess could have been another lost battle for Sizemore if he ended up with the dope. Poor Tom Sizemore. Even though he always played the same guy in every movie he was in, he was still fun to watch. I hope he can win his battle. (cue slow piano music … and cut).


  1. you need to approve comments before they are posting?

    fuck you


  2. hey asshole- dennis hopper ain't dead yet