Little Boys Holding Hands

Wow, that's a terrible title. What a sign of the times no? I'm about to engage in some discourse about Stand By Me the movie (not the Pennywise cover), which takes place in the 1950s and it already sounds so bad because the parlance of our times. In the 1950s, gay still meant happy and thoughts of little boys holding hands were innocent and kind on the heart. Now, me titling a piece, "Little Boys Holding Hands" almost seems like it has a scary connotation to it. It's definitely no longer cute, and I'm fearful that the internet police will start tappin' my telephone and the next time I go over a friend's house Chris Hansen will be waiting for me. Probably shouldn't bring a sixer.

It's incredible that a major television network decided that catching pederasts on national television was a good idea in the 2000s. At first, it sounds so noble. LOOK AT NBC! THEY'RE PART OF THE SOLUTION! Then, the more you watch it, you realize they're exploiting it and it almost seems like they're not encouraging the behavior per se, but they're trying to make it look commonplace so every normal family in America is fearful of their children being molested. Funny side note, I recently heard a caller on a local Tampa sports talk show differentiate between improperly touching children and molesting children which I find hysterical for some reason.

What ultimately happened to me with Chris Hansen and his NBC minions is that they gave the pederasts human qualities which made me almost develop some kind of empathy for them. Sure, these are bad people, but they have deep seeded problems and being embarrassed then arrested on national television probably isn't the answer. This is not part of the solution no matter how high its Nielsen Rankings are. Pederasts should not be compared to the "The Biggest Loser." There shouldn't be NBC executives saying, "What should we put in that 8 pm Sunday slot after the Olympics, fatties trying to lose weight, or perverts who drive a few hours to try to take advantage of a 13-year-old girl?"

I'm getting way side-tracked here. I was supposed to be contrasting Stand By Me and The Goonies and how they each have scenes in which the kids embark upon their adventure so full of joy and innocence, that they hold each others hands and skip the path. They're both 80s movies, taking place in different decades but basically what they're saying is that kids in the 50s and the 80s both held hands. I really can't remember if I did this in the early 80s or not, but it doesn't seem like it happened in the 90s, and fo' sho' not in the new Millenium, especially not with Chris Hansen out there.