I swear i'll be writing more in 2014

Tuesday, November 10, 2009


He wasn't even close, but that's not the point here. Truth is, if you go back and listen to DMB within their time (1993-1996), and compare them to the music that was coming out then, they're alot more than plastic fantastic. You can tell why gobbles of hippies who couldn't handle Phish's poor lyrics and long winded jamming adventures went that route. I mean, you could either pretend your poor, dress like a hippie and listen to Phish, or you could be that Frat Guy, mommy and daddy always wanted you to be and listen to DMB. See? The bitterness of Dave commercializing himself still bothers me to this day. Dave Matthews can now be compared to Jimmy Buffet, as he will always attract trinormous (damn, it's not a word) crowds, but never really grow as a musician. What a shame, for such a talented individual. Seriously, Remember Two Things effing jams to the point that they should've just called it The Two Things Are to Jam and Jam Again Sucka!

Unfortunately, this Dave Matthews is forgotten forever. It doesn't matter how many of his band members die, in the same way it doesn't matter which member of Bruce Springsteen's band members die. Sure it will always be sad when we lose that chance to see the Boss reunite with Courtney Cox the same way it's sad that we'll never be able to see the reuniting of that old Matthews/Schiavo collection from 1996.

Seeing this Matthews can't possibly be remembered, let's do an homage to the one we all could care less about. This is a story of a kid I was behind at a grocery store, that reminded me of Dave Matthews.

Here's the difference, between South Tampa Publix and Koreatown Publix, by which I mean, Seminole Heights Publix, and that racial blast is acceptable because it's inaccurate, non-offensive, (Oxford Comma) and because NoKo (North Korea) is part of the axis of evil meaning it's American OK to make fun of Korean people, or atleast the northern 50 percent of them.

I once went to the Lix in the Heights and aside from the long line in front of me, there was a mom, and her young teen handicapped son. After the line had cleared, and it was just them in front of me, she started ordering a sandwich, and then turned to her son, after only mayonnaise was on the bread, and said, "you can't handle it from here, right?" and went off to do her shopping.

That poor kid. The Publix lady kept asking him what else besides mayonnaise he wanted on the sandwich, to which he could only reply, "Mayonnaise Sandwich!" Of course I could only laugh that day, but it was with him, not at him. The poor kid was physically and mentally disabled, and his poor mother left him stranded with a mayonnaise sandwich. The mom had probably given her son so many tests in life by this point just so he could learn, which is great to see to, however, I'm left with what i call the "Mayonnaise sandwich story" and I'm the bad guy, because if you ever say "Mayonnaise Sandwich!" i will uproar with furious laughter because of this instance.

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