I swear i'll be writing more in 2014

Monday, April 13, 2009

100th Post Spectacular!!!!! ARRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

While I watch the American League Champion Tampa Bay Rays get announced amidst pyrotechnics that would make Great White fans jealous, I must drop my 100th post and talk about nothing other than PIRATES! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

This isn't some Gasparilla story, or some condescending review of Johnny Depp's acting ability, this is about REAL ... LIFE ... PIRATES!!!! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

The Somalian Pirates are in some ways the coolest pirates ever and in some ways not really pirates at all. While it's okay to glamorize the pirates of yesteryear, something tells me Barack Obama would wag his finger at me if he saw me praising this mystic crewe. For instrance, you never want to praise anyone that holds an AK47 and they're not in the middle of a battlefield, but you have to admire, that these pirates thought they could hold an American Captain (ARRRRRRRRRRRRR) hostage. On top of that, they're also messing with the French and Ay-talians like they're taking out some Somalian lack of World Cup angst or something.

Basically, the Somalian Piracy threat seems on paper as if it could start World War 3, except that well, it'd be everyone against the pirates. I'm not sure if Al-Qaeda likes them, and even Kim Jong Il was quoted as saying, "They're worfress! More worfress than Arec Barwin!"

That's what makes these pirates so cool though. They basically do everything pirates do from pillage and plunder to making the Captain walk the plank. Sure, the story is the captain tried to escape, but XXX! WRONG!!! They made him walk the plank, but when they realized he may be able to swim to safety, they brought him back in. They stick to the unwritten pirate (arr) principals and go their own way (yeah yeah yeah). They're fucking pirates, what else are they going to do? Living in Somalia is so shitty, they've chosen a life of scurvy and spending their days at sea, capturing whoever comes near them, trying to take whatever treasures be they vast and true. YARRRRRRRRRRRRR! Downside, they're using AK47s, and at some point, they're going to be referred to as terrorists. But here's my hope:

In the first half of the 20th Century, it was the Germans. The Germans threatened everyone.

Oh Look the Germans are mad at me!

Then after them, it was the Russians.

America it's them bad Russians. Them Russians them Russians and them Chinamen. And them Russians. The Russia wants to eat us alive. The Russia's power mad. She wants to take our cars from out our garages.

There was a war on drugs and which pot smoking teenagers were all of a sudden shooting their friends in the head and

This is your brain (egg poured on fryer)
This is your brain on drugs ... any questions?

So now we're enduring the War on Terror, which in my opinion will be about as successful as the War on Drugs, and aside from eventual World Ass Whooping China will lay down one day, making the Israeli-Palestine conflict look like a temper flaring India/Pakistan cricket match, the next War on __________, could ... fingers crossed ... be


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