I swear i'll be writing more in 2014

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Rock of Love Week 3 Update

I'm a little behind and it's past midnight and now officially Thursday, but I've been on the phone for over two hours talking politics and accidentally drank three glasses of wine. So now I'm drinking my fourth one because well, this is the one I need.

Bee Tee Double-You, wasn't it so sad to see Huckabee and Ron Paul off camera at the 'Lican debate tonight? Look guys, if CNN says you're going to lose, you're going to lose, unless you have ties to FOX and can rig an election.

I'm sorry, 'Lican politics aren't the reason for tonight's semi-drunken column. Nope, ROCK OF LOVE POST WEEK 3 POWER RANKINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Das Boot: The Frenchified Broad, and the last remaining Black chick. Wow, the butt-rocker didn't go with a non-white woman, what a surprise? And sorry to be stereotypical here, but do non-white women like Butt Rockers? In all of those Butt Rock touring videos I saw growing up, be it Ratt's "I Want a Woman", or Poison's "I Won't Forget You" I seem to recall every woman in the video being white. Maybe the times have just changed for the better, or maybe VH-1 just has a better understand of it's viewer demographics than I do.

Number 10. The Old Chick

Again, this has gotta be a demographics thing, right? This is VH-1 telling the 40+-year-old housewives of America, YOU CAN LAND A PAST-HIS-PRIME BUTT ROCKER IF YOU WATCH VH-1!!!

#9. Peyton

Same concept, a few years younger, a wee bit more fuckable (that doesn't mean fuckable, just more fuckable than the old chick), and can strum a guitar.

#8. Jessica

No matter what happens to her, atleast she can say, "Oh yeah! Atleast I'm a good song by the Allman Bros.!"

#7. Inna

Ah, the last girl with any sort of non-white ethnicity left. If she weren't so manly, I'd root for her, but now that the French dude is off the show, she's the most manly ... well, except for Peyton.

#6. Aubry

I can't really say anything bad about her. Relatively speaking, she seems as if she understands life at atleast a 5th grade level amongst women who are still at the 3rd Grade. If she were younger, she'd be Top Five.

#5. Ambre

There's still something about her that doesn't sit well with me. She doesn't belong or something. I'm still a bit on the fence with her.

#4. Desti-Knee

In honor of how poorly she spells her fake name, I'm going to create new ways to spell the word "Destiny" for the rest of the year. She's evil though, maybe becoming this year's Lacey.

#3. The Hot Blond

It's inevitable that the hot blond with the rocking body is about as shallow as a stain of urine. I have a feeling it's only downhill for her from here on in. Fortunately, I hope Bret Michaels will keep it real, and keep the better looking ones on for TV ratings.

#2. Daisy

I don't know Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiii-sy.

#1. The Germaphobe.

She's obviously going to be the emotional wreck of the season, or atleast the previews say so, so I can't imagine her winning. Still, despite the cold persona, she's the best of the bunch in terms of humanity.

Finally, the Rock of Love 2 Checklist:

1. Did any former members of Poison show up? Nope. I'm starting to think Bobby, Rikki and C.C. are morally opposed to his new found fame.

2. Was there a reappearance of Lacey? Yes. It was disappointing though. I was impressed with her baby punching skills, but her media mogul skills are finished. "Lacey" don't need to talk about her no more ... although we never really needed to to begin with.

3. Did they play any Poison songs during the show? I don't think so, but I must admit, you become immune to the background music during this show sometimes.

4. Did Bret Michaels say, "It kinda turned me on." No, but he said something even funnier. Can't remember though, so I'm going to move on. Something to the extent of watching a girl try to protect his plastic baby and that really made him wanna "procreate." Bret Michaels being Bret Michaels, said it in a much cooler way though.

5. Did the show sink to any new lows that could top measuring the blood flow in his johnson when girls talked dirty to him? Not really. I thought the Roller Derby idea was phenomenal, and for the third week in a row, I've thought this season is better than last year. Bret gets it this year, which is making it much more fun.

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