I swear i'll be writing more in 2014

Friday, March 25, 2011

Those Sirens Will Get Your Every Time

O Brother, Where Art Thou would be most director's masterpiece, and though it may be the Coen Brothers best, that's too bold of a statement, so the best we can give it is that it's most likely in their top 5.  I've been sweating the Coens too much though on my blog though, so I'm going to move on.  Who says "sweating" any more?  I love how quickly hip-hop jargon fades, and once it does, you can sound really honky by saying it after it has expired. 

The one thing I'm going to focus on from O Brother is the Sirens.  They will get ya every time, to the point where if a hot woman ever talks to an unattractive man, you know there's trouble brewing, especially if she puts out quickly.  To celebrate these beautiful creatures, here's the top 10 Sirens of Cinema:

10.  Mia Wallace – Pulp Fiction

She almost gets John Travolta.  He tries his damnedest to resist, and may have, but his thoughts alone were the karma punch.  His punishment?  The infamous overdose scene, which very well may be the most intense scene in film history. 

9.  Anne Darrow – King Kong

In this case the Siren is attracting the enormous gorilla.  It wasn't King Kong's fault that he was brought to New York, but if he doesn't take Anne to the top of the Empire State Building, he could still be alive today.  Just because he's different. 

8.  The Dutch Assassin – Munich

This is your traditional hot-assassin spy Siren.  There seems to be one in every spy movie, which most likely started with James Bond movies (and I'm realizing right now I did not include any on this list).  The punishment for wanting sex with this sexy lady?  Death.  DUH! DUH! DUH!

7.  Phoebe Cates – Fast Times At Ridgemont High

The punishment for choking your chicken to Phoebe Cates in a bathing suit is being caught in the act by Phoebe Cates.  Umm …

6.   Girl By The Pool – No Country For Old Men

What we do know is that he initially rejects her offer to have beers with her because "he knows what beer leads to."  Aside from her responding, "Beer leads to more beer", it seems like what happens next would be the karmic response to having beer with said Siren.  Sirens next to pools are always the most dangerous. 

5.  Mena Suvari – American Beauty
She's almost the perfect Siren for a middle-aged married guy.  No one seems more off-limits than one of your daughter's friends, it's so creepy, yet it nearly happened.  Poor Lester.  How can one named Lester not behave in a perverted way?  Someone named Lester not being a creepy pervert is like someone named Jeeves not being a butler. 

4.  Veronica LakeL.A. Confidential

She sure got Ed Exley.  Result?  A beating from Russell Crowe. 

3.  Ginger – Casino

It's too bad she wasn't an actual Ginger, because that'd be perfect.  Aside from the fact that the relationship between Ginger and Sam Rothstein never would have happened that way, she's great proof of what beauty can do to a reasonably smart man. 

2.  Julie Gianni – Vanilla Sky

See what happens when you try to make Cameron Diaz your fuck buddy?  Your face gets all deranged and your life becomes nothing more than death followed by disturbing memories and you keep imagining a next life where you and Penelope Cruz are just cats. 

1.  The Sires – O Brother, Where art Thou?

They appear near water.  They have alcohol with them for seduction.  Next thing that happens, you wake up and your friend has been turned into a horny toad.

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