I swear i'll be writing more in 2014

Friday, March 18, 2011

Being Stranded in the Early Aughts

The ideas must have started in the late 90s, but having them come into fruition happened in the early 21st Century. Television and movie producers came up with many successful pieces that were based on being stranded in the middle of nowhere which began with Castaway (which I'll discuss shortly) and continued with the first major reality series, (aside from "Real World") "Survivor", ABC's major millennial epic "Lost" and to a lesser extent, shows like "Man vs. Wild" and "Survivorman." Being lost in the wilderness became a great story all of a sudden. Naturally, the A+ part of Castaway is when he's stranded on that island and the cinematography gets shots like that one when he's on top of the cliff. Unfortunately, once Tom Hanks gets rescued, the movie loses all steam.

During the advertisement for FEDEX in the beginning, Mr. Hanks steals a kid's bicycle to make sure a package gets to it's destination in time. That simple commandment breaking, led to some of the worst karma in film history. Here's his bad karma (never steal a bike!)

• Gets called into work on Christmas Eve
• Plane crashes into the ocean
• Sees a dead guy's bloated corpse
• Misses contacting the only boat that comes close to the island
• Leg gets stabbed by sharp coral while trying to catch said boat
• Flashlight goes out
• Cuts his hand bad while trying to make fire
• Has to remove his tooth with ice skate and rock which leads him to banging his head on the cave (this is terrible)
• Ponders killing himself but can't because he'd shatter on rocks before his neck would snap
• Loses his sail
• Loses Wilson
• Finds out he was buried
• Gets AIDS
• Finds out his true love was really a mermaid
• Finds out she has also married
• Married, and to someone who ranks high on the doucheometer
• After beings stranded for 4 years, eating nothing but coconuts and fish, and spending who knows how long being lost at sea on a raft, an old friend has the nerve to say to him, "We need to catch up on our fishing!"

This is all supposed to be countered by the fact that the one box he saves allegedly leads him to his next love who in fact … is a ginger! She's attractive and artistic, so he's got that going for him, but I'm certain she's crazy. He's going to miss Jenny even more now. I had to bring up Forrest Gump because this is another Zemeckis/Hanks collaboration (these two love each other in the film world). Perhaps the most bizarre thing in this movie is the fact that Zemeckis does another shot of Tom Hanks' shoes, as he does in Gump. What kind of weird foot fetish does he have with Tom Hanks' feet? Even crazier, is as soon as Hanks gets rescued, what does he drink at the party?

I must've drank me about 15 Dr. Peppers …

Does Tom Hanks have a Dr. Pepper fetish? Is that what cured his AIDS in Philadelphia? Was it the drink of choice in Bachelor Party? I know this is a meaningless miniscule detail (a type that's usually my favorite), but I have to know how many more movies Tom Hanks drinks Dr. Pepper in. It's more than we think, believe me.

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