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Monday, December 13, 2010

The Crooked Cops

I don't know what exactly happens in those days as you approach middle age man status, but lazy crooked cop movies and Clint Eastwood westerns seem to get better every year.  If your 20s are the decade in which you start going for the bad guys in movies, your 30s must be the time you start going for the bad guys who are supposed to be good guys. 

By the way, is it me, or was 2010 one of the worst years for movies ever?  It's still a shut out for me.  If you've seen a good movie that came out in 2010, I'm dying to know what it was.  It wasn't Inception, trust me. 

The Top 8 Crooked Cops in Film History

8.   Jack Scagnetti

Jack Scagnetti is a Quentin Tarantino character.  His biggest role is in Natural Born Killers where he's not really crooked, but he does try to make out with a psychopathic Mallory Knox which I'm guessing isn't part of the normal policeman's code of conduct.  In Reservoir Dogs, you also hear about Mr. Blonde griping about him with Joe and Nice Guy Eddy. 

7.  Dim and Billyboy from A Clockwork Orange

The crookedness of these two droogs comes from nearly killing a "reformed" Alex, Dim's old gang buddy.  Revenge on the past isn't super crooked, but I'd say leaving an innocent former criminal to die is pretty bad. 

6.  The Two Cops From Do the Right Thing

Aside from one of them choking Radio Raheem to death which instigates a horrible riot, they drive by Sweet Dick Willie and his posse and say, "What a waste", and though that may not be too crooked, it's wrong.  It is however crooked if you're treating one race different from another, so they qualify for the countdown. 

5.  Happy Jack Mulraney from Gangs of New York

John C. Reilly is a great actor.  You may remember the crooked cop that was in Bill the Butcher's pocket from this film.  That's Happy Jack.  Ugh, now a stupid Who song is in my head.  The biggest problem with the Who is despite the fact that they have many amazing songs and a few good albums, they have quite a list of horrible annoying songs too.  In fact, Top 5 Most Annoying Who Songs:

            5.  Happy Jack

I don't get the point of this song.  Sure, I don't like it enough to listen to the lyrics, but that's not the point I'm referring to, more the point of, "Why does this song exist?"  Is there anyone out there who likes the Who because they love "Happy Jack"? 
4.  Magic Bus

This could be complete bullshit, but I remember in high school there was some kids commercial about a bus that delivered books or something to children, Sweet Pickles style, that used this song in its commercial.  A sure fire way to make a song undesirable. 
3.  Who Are You

Simple see.  If you put your band name in a song title and it's not tongue-in-cheek, it's a bad idea.  I suppose a major drawback when you name your band "The Who" is that it limits your song title options.
2.  Squeeze Box

To put this song in perspective, it's Poison's favorite Who song.  That's enough for #2, sorry Bret, Bobby, Rikki and C.C. 

1.  You Better, You Bet

I once had two friends brawl over how annoying this song is.  Okay, maybe it wasn't a brawl, but a punch was thrown.  I don't think any other song in the history of life has been annoying to the point where a punch was thrown. 

4.  Matt Damon in The Depahted

This is where the crooked cops get really crooked.  It's one thing when a whole precinct is looking the other way on organized crime, but when the mob infiltrates an entire department and a bad guy rises quickly "like a 12-year-old's dick", that's cuh-cuh-corruption (and that's a reference to a thrash metal song by the band Exodus.  It's crazy how some songs stay in your head even when you haven't heard them in over 20 years). 

3.  The cops from Serpico

This is pretty much the movie that made the crooked cop movie en vogue.  Basically, Al Pacino and a couple of other guys are good, and the rest of the entire police department is corrupt … and Al Pacino is about to find out, that being a cop, isn't going to be as easy as it seems. 

2.  The Chief from The Godfather

Dealing with an aspiring mob drug dealer for all the 5 families, well, being shot in the head at a restaurant is your most likely scenario of "What's happens next!"

1.  James Cromwell from L.A. Confidential

He runs the entire department AND the drug racket.  Pretty impressive.  

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