I swear i'll be writing more in 2014

Thursday, June 10, 2010

The Wonderful World of Kevin Smith

"My ex-girlfriend is catatonic from fucking a dead guy and my present girlfriend has sucked 36 dicks" claims the immortal Dante.

As a dialog lover (undercover), it's pretty much impossible to not love the movie Clerks. Even though it was impossible for me to call it one of my favorite 100 films ever, I tried pretty hard. Kevin Smith created so many great characters, this movie spawned one, two, three, four, Jurassic FIVE! spinoffs, and more may be coming, though I don't think Mallrats 2: Shit Pretzels is atop that list. This movie indirectly helped the careers of Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. It gave Chris Rock the chance to appear in movies that were actually funny. And Jason Lee, well, he did get to be in a movie with Penelope Cruz, so that must have been great, especially since it was one where she wasn't pretending to be a coke head to the point you wanted to kill her.

When I try to justify Kevin Smith being a good director (and trust me, with a movie like Cop Out out there, it gets harder), I always go back to this no budget movie and say wow, he caught lightening in a bottle. He was the hope for any college schmuck with a camera to shoot his friends with some snazzy dialog and uncomfortable youthful problems to make it in the movie business.

Speaking of Cop Out, I haven't registered the domain yet, but I'm thinking of buying www.whosedickdidtracymorgansucktogetfamous.com, or something similar. I can't stand it. I've brought it up to nearly everyone I know. A simple question, "Has Tracy Morgan ever made you laugh?" The answer is always a resounding no, then the wheels keep turning and it looks like someone is smelling decaying roadkill all of a sudden. They start feeling what I feel. So how did he get here? Maybe it's unfair for me to question how he landed a role on SNL because he's not funny when you consider the countless unfunny people who have landed roles on that show, but now he's doing movies! He has to know people, that's the only possible way.

Yeah, Clerks is a great movie.

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