I'm going to do my best to not be political at all on this one, thought it will be hard. Yes, it will be very hard to not contain names like Moore, Kerry and 95% of the Republican Party.
First off, the definition: "Douchebag" refers to a person with a variety of negative qualities, specifically arrogance and engaging in obnoxious and/or irritating actions without malicious intent, it's in Webster's and shit. Noah Webster is Connecticut pride bee tee dubya. Anyways, I'm Casey Kasem, and on with the countdown (these are so much more fun when coffee is involved).
10. The "Don't Taze Me Bro!" Kid
At least one Internet sensation has to make this list as this was the decade of Instant Coffee 15 Minutes of Fame Internet Sensations. The other ones were way too dorky to be douchebags, so why not select a Florida Gator. Saying the University of Florida is the breeding ground of douchebags, is like saying and unkempt swimming pool is the breeding ground for mosquitoes. If I could give this award to an entire University, I would. After all, they deserve it alone for not only their Tebow Worshipping, but also, and this is big, because of that stupid clap they do. If a Gator gets into a fight and wins, does he do that clap after his victim is knocked out? After a Gator beats his wife, does he do the clap? After he smashes someone else in a car accident. does he do the clap? After he commits terrorism on Florida St, or atleast his own bathroom, does he do the clap?
My point is, the icing on the cake to the tazing video would have been if the security guards/cops did the gator clap after they tazed that kid into submission. I would've sent money to them. That would have been the highlight of the decade. Especially if they sang, "It's good, to be, a Florida Gator!" while they did it.
9. Dane Cook
Have you seen this guy? What's the deal? I always fear for America when someone gets this big and I simply cannot laugh or relate. It's our culture though, and like many things, some things u just have to accept. I have to accept that people like Green Day and Avril Lavigne. I have to accept that reality TV isn't going anywhere and that nobodies arguing with each other while performing meaningless tasks to win the love of some 80s celebrity is part of the norm for our culture.
At least he doesn't do the whole. "A black guy drives a car like this, while a white guy drives a car like this" skit (but i have heard he does the flapping dicky).
8. Ted Haggard
I wasn't sure if I should include this guy because I'm not sure if his religious beliefs constitute malicious intent or not. They probably do, but it's neery impossible to take this guy seriously. Seriously. SERIOUSLY! (annoying word of the decade ... list may come in the future). Whatever malicious intent he has though, is erased by his drug and man addictions, as well as his appearance in Jesus Camp. Knowing he got busted after all the judgment he lays down in that is classic, and def. makes ya say, "WHAT A DOUCHE!"
7. Boston Rob
I did an internet fame guy, and now I have to do a reality TV guy. Yes, I'm ashamed to know who Boston Rob is, and will be even more ashamed when I realized nobody on this list has a clue who he is. The reason he makes my list is two-fold though. If there's one sports fan more annoying the Gator fan, it's def. Red Sock fan. What's worse is, when you create a whole television ready identity out of it on a reality TV show. Only a Red Sock fan would do that. Only Red Sox fans would start a gay little "Who's President of Red Sox Nation?" fan club. Boston Rob is the epitome (a public enemy) of a douchey turd Red Sox fan. If your fortunate enough to not know who he is, I'm jealous.
6. Ann Coulture
Not sure if I'm spelling her name right, but if I'm wrong, that's probably a good thing because it means I care less. Normally, I'd say it's impossible for a woman to be a douchebag, but when you're so low on ideas, that the only card you have left to play is the, "I'M GOING TO SAY SOMETHING OVER THE LINE TO PISS OFF THE LIBERALS AND GET MEDIA ATTENTION AGAIN!", you're a douchebag.
5, Bill Maher
At least Bill Maher doesn't intentionally say things just to get attention, he just dresses in halloween costumes with poor taste to do so. Maher's arrogance could float a blimp. Whether I like his views or not, he's annoying. He even deserves empathy for being booted from network television because of what he said after 9/11. I don't even remember what he said after 9/11, but it wasn't whatever every single TV personality and politician was saying, so it cost him his job. That being said, the icing on the cake for him was dressing up as the Croc Hunter right after he died for halloween. You're a celebrity bro! It's going to get back to the family! Making fun of dead celebrities is only funny when you know it's not going to get back to the people it hurts. C'mon Mr. Maher, that's rule #1 of the dead celebrity game!
4. Billy Mitchell
If you have not seen King of Kong yet, I highly recommend you do. Aside from fantastic nerd gazing, you have one of the most hateful villains in cinema history. Billy Mitchell really couldn't be any more a douche. The combination of his hair, his tight jeans, and his American flag tie are good enough to make any douchebag list, but when you throw in his attitude ... oh boy. He really had a good chance to be #1, and the fact that he's not says alot about our culture.
3. Nearly Every Male American Idol Contestant
Sure, I stopped watching this a few years ago, and probably never should have to begin with, but being a fan of music, it was hard to ignore. I say "Nearly" because Ruben Studdard wasn't a douche while he had a career. If you've seen any of these other guys who have now cracked the mainstream, they're probably the biggest douches in the universe. During one of those awful Thanksgiving football games, I saw that Daughtry dude, with the Roger Daughtry band (or whatever their name is), and it really looked like they were coming to the game straight from a douchebag support group. There were like 4 or 5 of the suckers making funny faces at the TV camera. You know a rock star is a completely useless and utter douchebag if as soon as the camera is on them, they make a funny face. That's separates the good from the bad. It's really that simple. Go back and watch footage of any performer in the history of music, if they're making a stupid face, they're a douchebag. I promise.
2. Ty Pennington
O-ty-o-ty-o. "I'm going to remake your crappy house. Turn it into a luxurious house! Your taxes will go up as will up so high you will be foreclosed on in a couple years and I won't come back! And my hair! Look at my hair! Don't you love my energy too!!!!"
Poofy hair and retard energy can go a long way towards douchebaggery, and Ty Pennington is living proof.
1. Kanye West
He's got four classics from this decade working against him:
"George Bush doesn't care about black people" (even though he was right, you shouldn't say shit like that in front of Canadians like Mike Myers, it shows American weakness).
The whole Bonnarroo debacle. If you inspire a bunch of hippies to write out "KANYE SUCKS" on 10 aligning porto-potties, you've reached a level of douchebaggery most of us can only dream of.
That whole music award thing with that blond chick. I really don't care that he offended her or what not, but really Kanye, are you that starved for attention that you need to do something like that?
Lastly, the whole fishsticks thing. Don't want to get into this, but if you've seen that ep. of SP, it sums up why he's the biggest douche of the decade. He was offended by that episode to the point he blogged about it, which is exactly the point that episode was making. Ugh.
Kanye's now in the running for Biggest Douche in the Universe. Good luck my man.