Fred Allen via Beth Fink
As a writer, I always love to read something that can simply take away all the sense of what it is I try to do away in one line. It's the "poetry is nothing more than an indication of good health" theory again. Awesome.
7. “I apologize for the inconvenience"
Quickie Mart cashiers and many others via Wayne Crow
I don't know where to begin with this one. Honestly, I don't really remember Wayne Crow. To me, he seems like that guy who turned on DeNiro's crew in the movie Heat, but I'm guessing his acting career wasn't that stellar. Nevertheless, what a quote. I feel like Apu Nahasapeemapetalan is in my living room, and if you looked up my spelling on Apu's name, props, because that means you still care about the most important family in the history of U.S. American folklore, The Simpsons.
6. “A boy without mischief is like a bowling ball without a liquid center”
Homer via Pete Smith
Nostalgia here sorry, but this is a true story. Many years ago, probably the summer after all of the Class of 93ers were first back from our first year of college, I shared a unique experience wit' Smitty that I haven't forgotten to this day. Aside from the Summer of '94 being most remembered for watching the OJ chase, Sammy's Gang spent countless hours at the Montresor household pulling tubes and throwing decks of cards into ceiling fans whilst listening to the Dead, Phish, DMB, Ill Communication and Let Love Rule, and maybe even some Pharcyde. On one of those occasions, I got the munchies and raided Gene and Bev's kitchen. Unsatisfied with my options, I found some kind of TV Dinner that had fried chicken ... and kids, the rest of this story is why you don't smoke marijuana. I started eating the fried chicken frozen, straight out of the container and it was Pete Smith who made fun of me. I then told him it was actually good and he could either laugh at me, or help me knock it down. So, he sat down at the cornered kitchen table and took a bite and looked at me and said, "Wow, this is actually pretty good."
You don't forget things like that. Oh, that was the same summer I also once ate 5 McDonalds Cherry Pies. Ahh, the mid 90s.
5. “I’m so excited, I just can’t hide it. I’m about to lose control and I think I like it”
The Pointer Sisters via David Ratzan
If there was only one person in our entire class that could pull this quote off, it'd be Ratzan.
4. “Four years of Hall High. Four years of George Bush. A lifetime of intense psychotherapy”
Glen Daugherty a.k.a. "G" a.k.a. "GR"
This one is great for several reasons, but it can't be #1 because perhaps the best reason is under the additional comments section, where Hall High's most achieved put all their friend's initials and accomplishments, G put "Thanks, but no thanks." Something tells me he's not on Facebook, or maybe on the grid in general. He was always a great person to play football with though, part of the East Side crew with Schwani and Keena.
What's also so awesome about this, and The Daily Deuce is no place for politickin, is that if he disliked Sr. Bush so much, dude must have gone bat shit crazy these past 8 years. It's kind of like the quote that keeps on giving. Who knows, 7 to 15 years from now, I could read his quote again, and Jebediah Bush could be in office and the quote can still ring true!
I just wish I could be there on Jeb Bush's election victory, turn to a completely hopeless Glen and say, "That's the way the ball bounces G!"
3. “If at first you don’t succeed, you’re about average.”
Somebody via Erik Segal
Somebody via Erik Segal
I'm going to be honest with you, I never in a million years back in 1993 would've thought Segal would come up with/borrow such a great quote.
2. “What’s the point of being cool if you can’t wear a
Hobbes via Sarah Wilson
I can't really put her #1 because she was arguably my first crush and that'd be like preferential treatment'n shit. Is there any wonder why I had the crush with a great quote like that? Came up nails.
1. “Now spin it hard. It’s got to go all the way around.”
Bob Barker via Austin Lynch.
I'm not sure why I like this so much but I do. It's 1993 and all of Hall High's genius minds are sifting though pop culture galore, Walt Whitman poems, Winnie The Pooh quotes, and they're dawning sarcastic masks or furrowing their eye brows trying to come up with something that will be so relevant 20 years from now all the while showing off their own personality so we know this quote is exactly who that person was.
Austin realized that this was all complete bullshit (as did many others), but he didn't know Bob Barker would later on get in a fight with Happy Gilmore. He didn't know that some circles in this wonderful country have taken his name and use it as code for smoking doobies. He took probably the most meaningless catch phrase of America's culture and put it to it's forefront. Does he have a hidden meaning, or something personal that only he knows with a couple other people? Possibly, but I'm thinking no. I'm thinking he thought about this for about 5 seconds and came up with gold.