The Man Chick Flick

… which you apparently can't try to be hip and call a "Mick" flick, because … well, you know why.  Let's talk about chick flicks though.  Obviously, many women love them because they're movies not geared towards men, which is why we men often make fun of them and say things like "I heard it's a chick flick."  Then there's the "Romantic Comedy" which let's face it, is also a chick flick because it's still trying to keep women interested.  For some reason, women don't like people on skis shooting machine guns at people like Arnold Schwarzegger and Sylvester Stallone.  I don't know why they don't like this, but we can all agree they don't.  I've always believed that any man whoever tells you he liked watching chick flicks or romantic comedies, did that because he felt it increased his chances of getting laid.  There's no other explanation.

That machismo aside, every now and then, men love a movie and unbeknownst to them  it's a chick flick in disguise.  The perfect example of this is the movie Swingers.  Men love it because of Vince Vaughn and his hysterical assholishness; references to man movies like Reservoir Dogs and conversations about things like film; going to Vegas and getting laid; and of course, playing SEGA hockey which is one of the most underrated rights of passage for people born between 1972 and 1979. 

At the heart of it though, is Mikey and his relationship troubles.  Once you get by all this cool Vince Vaughn cockiness and interesting man dialogue, it always comes back to all the guys helping Mikey with his problems.  Mikey is basically a chick.  She leaves that embarrassing stalker message on that dudes phone.  She gets into a fight with one of her friends because her bitchy friend is taking a tough love approach hoping to make her get over her lost love because she's sick of hearing her cry.  She can always go back to her best friend though, who will always be there for her.  There's really not much difference between Mikey and Vince's escape to Vegas than there is Thelma and Louise's big journey, you know, aside from what happens once they leave, but the reasons for why they leave are very similar, they're both about a character having relationship problems and they flee with their best friend. 

If you reverse the genders of everyone in the movie, you have as your plot, a girl moving away from her home town because of a failed relationship and having a difficult time getting used to the new "big city".  Have Drew Barrymore play the role of "Michelle" and mix in Angelina Jolie to play "Tracy" and you're half way there.  Instead of having them playing SEGA hockey, you can have them drinking Appletinis and watching "Sex and the City", and instead of going to Vegas, they take a trip to wine country where Drew Barrymore finds a sensitive rugged man who helps the girls find their way back home after they break away from a wine tour and get lost in a vineyard after the sun goes down.  

Sure, maybe the chemistry between Barrymore and Jolie wouldn't be that good, but you get the idea.  

The Best Movie Voice Overs of All-Time

Ever ponder an entire movie with a voiceover instead of actual dialogue? Sure, it probably wouldn't work, but Casino may be the exception. I know this isn't exactly the case, but I always get the feeling that this movie is A+ while DeNiro is doing the VO, but then midway through Sharon Stone delivers a line of dialogue and the whole movie implodes. Fortunately, this movie is aging much better than expected, and with the way DeNiro's career has fallen, Stone doesn't really look so bad next to him anymore. Basically, it's more believable that Ginger would treat DeNiro the way she did all for the love of James Woods with the way DeNiro acts nowadays.

Still, what I love about this movie most is the story telling, mostly through DeNiro, but Joe Pesci gets a chance to tell it, which makes it even better. Even Frank Vincent gets a chance to do a VO in it! I'd really love to see the whole movie done this way, especially considering the chance for James Woods to tell "Lester's" side of the story, though hearing from Sharon Stone or that little kid wouldn't be so hot.

Anyways, it's all about the lists, so today we have …

Best Voiceovers of All-Time, but first, let me mention two movies with horrible ones. Patricia Arquette in True Romance is a bad idea. With Christian Slater being the protagonist, it comes off as tolerable, but she should not be doing a VO. Also, as great as a movie Apocalypse Now is, Martin Sheen's isn't so good. Maybe that's just because I can picture Emilio Estevez doing it, another person who shouldn't do them. Imagine Breakfast Club through the eyes of Emilio. That movie would go from an A to a D quick fast in a hurry.

Anyways, here are my favorites.

11. Samuel L. Jackson – Movie Not Yet Released

This guy has to do a voiceover for some kind of cheesy action/comedy movie. Maybe like a Beverly Hills Cop 4 VO for Eddie Murphy or something.

Jackson: I'M TIRED OF THIS MUTHAFUCKIN' AXEL F SONG RINGIN' MY EAR EVERY TIME I'M UP TO NO MUTHAFUCKIN' GOOD MUTHAFUCKA!

Basically, Samuel L. Jackson speak is nothing more than taking an ordinary sentence, then you get louder the deeper you get into the sentence and add the word "muthafucka" a few times. A movie with a voiceover like this has to work. The one time I can recall an SLJ VO (wow, I feel like C-3P0 all of a sudden), is Inglorious Basterds, but he has a calm demeanor and an SLJ with a calm demeanor ain't no fun I ever heard of.

10. Ed Norton – Fight Club

This is a pretty good one. Sure the whole "I am Jack's __________" thing gets silly after awhile, but for the most part, the actor formerly known as Ed Norton does a great job. I'm just quite disappointed that he doesn't make movies anymore after dominating the late 90s.

9. Nicholas Cage – Raising Arizona

Classy movies are rare in the 80s. What's so great about the Coen Brothers use of Nic Cage in this movie is that it gives what's otherwise a classic film that cheesy 80s feel that most great movies from the 80s have. After all, the 80s are basically book ended by Raging Bull and Do the Right Thing with a whole bunch of coked up Ronald Reagan whacky hairstyle synthesized pop music adventures in the middle. Sure some movies transcend that (Arizona being one of them), but most adhere to that formula. Cage is a great bridge between the two.

8. Johnny Depp as Hunter S. Thompson – Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

Any movie that gives me bad habits is good. I often talk about how as children we would often mimic light saber fights after watching Star Wars, well, sometimes a drunken version of myself loves to do the Hunter S. Thompson voice, and of course it's not really that, but it's the Johnny Depp doing Hunter S. Thompson voice which makes me now twice removed from the impersonation. This whole phenomena makes it good for #8.

7. Ray Liotta – Goodfellas

He probably has the most memorable VO lines in this movie but Liotta gives me an uneasy feeling. He's in Operation Dumbo Drop which weakens his whole tough guy persona in Goodfellas. Directors should make actors sign contracts saying they won't do anything in the future that will weaken their clout in classic films. It's not fair for me to pick on Ray here, because almost everyone does it, but it's probably much more noticeable with him because he's not that good of an actor to begin with.

6. Malcolm McDowell – Clockwork Orange

Maybe it's not the actual VO that's so good, but the language in the book translates wonderfully to the movie and McDowell does a great job with it. Getting to use words like devotchka, razzadocks, droogs and thee ol' in-out, in-out must have been a blast for him.

5. Richard Dreyfuss – Stand By Me

The "The Wonder Years" happens without this voiceover. That may not be like saying that Los Angeles doesn't happen without the Aqueduct, but it's a pretty close.

4. Robert DeNiro et al – Casino

See above.

3. Tom Hanks – Forrest Gump

This is yet another reason why this movie is vastly underrated and should be on the short list for discussing the greatest movie ever. It's hard to find something that this movie doesn't have, and apparently one of the best voiceovers ever isn't one of them. Even better is this movie could be the bridge with a handicapped person doing a one, which could ultimately lead to my dream of a little person doing one (okay, that would probably get annoying after about 5 minutes).

2. Jean Shepherd – The Christmas Story

What I love most about this one, is it reminds me of the voice I had in my head when I was kid at Christmas time, which is exactly what it's trying to do.

1. Morgan Freeman – The Shawshank Redemption

Morgan Freeman has reached the point where he's better at doing these, than acting itself, which is saying something because he's a great actor. People often joke about him being leaving your "Not Available" message on your voice mail, and of course they do, he's perfect for that. When the world ends, and whatever succeeds us on the evolutionary chain is studying our history, the video they watch should be narrated by Morgan Freeman. What's great is if you tune into to cable television, it looks like he's already working on the project.

The Best Film Rivalries of All-Time

Cold Fargo

This is probably the best true story ever converted to film. Most of the time, when movies say "Based on a True Story" or "Based on Actual Events", I mean, what isn't? Even Star Wars could be based on actual events if you think about it long enough. What's great about Fargo is there's no "based on" it's simply fact. Everything from William H. Macy being involved in a kidnapping plot to Steve Buscemi being crammed into a wood chipper actually happened. Ever notice how Macy hasn't been in many movies since this? Parole. Buscemi? Okay, that was actually a stunt double put into the wood chipper, but the rest of the movie is exactly true, even that cold scene where those poor people witness the cop killing and then well … get iced. I hate that scene. Not because it's bad, just because it's so real. I hope I'm never on either end of a murder scene.

What lies at the heart of this movie though, is a great rivalry between William H. Macy and Steve Buscemi, two weasels that aren't quite smart enough to be involved in a fake kidnapping plot. Where does this rivalry rank among film's greatest you ask? Well boom, here's a long freaking list.

The Top 30 Rivalries in Cinema History! (Whoot, there it is … wait, wait, WHOOMP there it is … side note: Upon glancing at Acclaimed Music's best songs of the 90s, "Whoomp" makes the cut, but "Whoot" does not. What a crock.)

Before I start, I'm not including Batman vs. the Joker on this. It's obviously a classic rivalry, but I don't want to get into the logistics of Michael Keaton vs. Jack Nicholson; Christian Bale vs. Heath Ledger; or Adam West vs … well, whoever played the Joker in the classic 60s version. And now, on with our countdown. (Homer whispers into Marge's ear "Casey Kasem").

30. John Rambo vs. Stupid Chief

All you have to do is let Rambo eat lunch. Some people never learn.

29. Arnold vs. the Predator

The Predator is the sole "Monster" to make my list (Freddy vs. Jason is not making it. Though the idea of the rivalry is great, the movie should not have been seen by anyone. If Freddy Krueger is doing the voice over, it can't possibly be good).

28. Pee Wee Herman vs. Francis

This rivalry was all over a bicycle.

27. Jimmy Stewart vs. the Banker in It's a Wonderful Life

Here we have a good old fashion young giving protagonist versus an old greedy antagonist.

26. Maverick vs. Iceman

I can't wait for Top Gun 2, which is allegedly happening: http://techcrunch.com/2010/10/15/top-gun-2/

25. McFly vs. Biff in Back to the Future

This is a nice little multi-generational spat.

24. Ferris Beuller vs. the Principal

The classic "cool kid" vs. Principal, though this is done better (see below).

23. Matt Damon vs. Leonardo DiCaprio in The Departed

These actors get made fun of a lot, but they're both pretty darn good, especially in this movie.

22. Rocky vs. Apollo Creed

No matter what awful situation you are in with life, never EVER bad mouth Apollo Creed.

21. Daniel LaRusso vs. Johnny in The Karate Kid

The classic bully vs. the new kid led to a generation of us trying to learn how to do some Crane kick.

20. The Hustler vs. Minnesota Fats

Obviously the best pool rivalry ever.

19. The Fugitive vs. Tommy Lee Jones

… and they end up friends in the end, awwwwwwwwwwwwww.

18. Mikey McD vs. Teddy KGB

This is a nice poker rivalry, and they each win once so it's balanced.

17. Max Cady Vs. Nick Nolte in Cape Fear

This is a good revenge one. There's nothing quite like a convict going after his attorney. DeNiro playing Cady helps a lot, and surprisingly this is one of DeNiro's best roles ever.

16. Eastwood vs. Hackman in Unforgiven

A good old western one. Surprisingly, this is the only time I have Clint Eastwood in my list, though The Good, The Bad & The Ugly probably deserves to be here.

15. DeNiro vs. Pacino in Heat

I'm kind of torn on this one. This is one of those rivalries that you always wanted and when it happened, they were only on the same screen for a brief period AND AL PACINO WINS IN THE END! No freaking way that happens in real life.

14. Jack Nicholson vs. Nurse Ratched in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest

It's strange how my only Nicholson movie on here has his greatest rival being a woman. I also could have included A Few Good Men, but his rival in that was pretty much a woman too.

13. Michael Corleone vs. Hyman Roth

You'd think a rivalry from The Godfather series would rank higher, but as fantastic as the movies are, the rivalries aren't too intense. That being said, the Ay-talian vs. the Jew from Miami is pretty darn good.

12. Bill the Butcher vs. The Vallons

The match against the dad lasts only a few minutes into the movie, but taking the son under his wing leading to the next show down is great, even though that son is Leonarda and she wins which is even more improbably than a comedic Al Pacino dicing Robert DeNiro.

11. Dorothy vs. The Wicked Witch of the West

Bitch landed a house on top of the witches' sister!

10. Macy vs. Buscemi

See above.

9. Maximus vs. the Emperor

When someone is as evil as the Emperor in Gladiator, it's easier to establish a rivalry. Dude kills his own dad to obtain the throne over his rival, tries to kill the rival, AND THEN kills the rival's wife and kid. All of this leads to a final showdown in which he cheats and stabs the rival before the match … and the rival still WINS … before he dies. This is what great rivalries are all about. Just imagine if David Ortiz did all this shit to Derek Jeter before the 2004 ALCS. That would definitely explain why the Sox won. That or steroids.

8. Drill Sgt. vs. Gomer Pyle

The first half of Full Metal Jacket which may be the best hour in film history (it's on the short list) all revolves around this one sided battle. I guess the true definition of rivalry is that it has to be two sided, but Gomer does kill him in the end, so maybe it is.

7. John McLain vs. Hans

The first Die Hard rivalry is a classic. Family is involved. American cockiness vs. Eastern European smarminess. And America wins! Fuck Yeah! There should be another version where the American loses shown in the Middle East. That'd sell like gang busters, except for the fact I don't think Muslims are allowed to watch movies that have humans depicted as people in them.

6. Andy Dufresne vs. the Warden in Shawshank Redemption

Here we have the classic bad guy who's really the good guy, and a good guy who's really a bad guy. A true heart always wins, or does it?

5. Jon Bender vs. the Principal in The Breakfast Club

The classic burnout vs. authority figure tops spoiled brat Ferris Bueller's rivalry with the pederast. These two simply don't like each other.

4. Terry Malloy vs. Johnny Friendly in On the Waterfront

You didn't think I'd have this list without Marlon Brando did ya? It's always good when a rivalry ends up with a classic fist fight. There aren't as many fist fights in movies nowadays as their used to be.

3. Daniel Plainview vs. Eli

Atheism vs. Evangelical Christianity, and Atheism wins in spectacular fashion. A bowling pin beat down.

2. The Bride vs. Bill

The best revenge I've ever seen.

1. Luke vs. Darth Vader

This pretty much embodies everything a great rivalry is about. Good vs. Evil. Father vs. Son. Man vs. Machine, and all with light sabers.

Braveheart Without a Shirt On!

It's not exactly news when you say Mel Gibson is overrated, but after Braveheart came out, it may have been for a very brief period. Like Kevin Costner, he had a brief directing moment of glory, and then faded away into movies about people kidnapping his children.

"GIVE ME BACK MY SON!!!!"

It's pretty hard to resist that one.

Nowadays, the reasons are numerous why he's no longer a respected actor, be it his drunken anti-semetic rants, the fact that he often says, "MY NIPPLES! THEY HURT WHEN YOU TWIST THEM!!!" (or maybe that's just on South Park), or, as I mentioned above, all his movies now seem to be either about kidnapped children, vengeful paybacks, or vengeful paybacks for kidnapping children. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop there. Taking a closer look at his "best" movie, he does things that are far more irritating.

The underlying thing that probably bothers me most about Mel Gibson, that as director, he actually had this thought during Braveheart. "I'm going to have a scene, where I come into town riding on a horse, with the wind blowing through my luscious long hair, and pan in on all the women of the town looking at me, and ogling me. I think that would be a great introduction to my character!"

There's also way too many "Matthew McConaughey Without a Shirt On" moments, which is fine if you're not the director, but again, as director he's saying, "I think this movie needs more of me without my shirt on!" Maybe this is why it's best that actors don't appear in the movies they direct. I imagine it's pretty hard not to stroke your own ego.

Heat's Celebrity Cast

Sure, at the time this movie was pretty well loaded with famous faces, but in terms of aging, maybe these aren't the greatest actors in the world, but it did pretty well. Here's a look at the famous people in Heat:

Robert DeNiro – One his last good movies. Have you ever noticed how DeNiro's not good at acting romantic? Every time he's involved in a love story, it's hard to believe that either a) he actually likes the girl, or b) the girl actually likes him. This is his only blemish as an actor, well, that is aside from the decline of skills over the past couple decades, but that happens to all of us when we age. Another funny thing I noticed about his role in this movie is that it seems like every time he meets someone, he has to tell them his “A guy once told me, "Do not have any attachments, do not have anything in your life you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you spot the heat around the corner.” speech. Poor Tom Sizemore has the look of, "Oh god I hope I don't have to hear that speech again, I just want a beer!"

Al Pacino – This is the closest we ever come to Al Pacino vs. Robert DeNiro in their primes. This too is one of Pacino's last good movies, but he's full blown comedy in this one, so it's hard to say if he's still a good actor. He's absolutely hysterical in this though. He gets funnier as more time passes between viewings of this movie. He should try to be funny more often, or at least embellish the full blown caricature of himself he's become.

Val Kilmer is in this, and he has to hear DeNiro's "leave in 30 minutes" speech. His girlfriend is …

Ashley Judd, whom is quite hot. She doesn't really do anything special in this aside from cheat on Val Kilmer, with none other than …

Hank Azaria, who's surprisingly nice and shady in this. He likes Ashley because, "Cause she's got a... GREAT ASS! And you've got your head... ALL THE WAY UP IT!"

A young Natalie Portman tries to kill herself.

Tom Sizemore, as mentioned above.

Jon Voigt was pretty good in this, but this is well before he started using his time to write queer letters to Barack Obama because he disapproves of his job.

William Fichtner, who may not sound famous, but he was the blind guy from Contact. Most recently, he was "Mob Banker Who Gets Shot" in The Dark Knight. Seriously though, this guy has been in a bunch of stuff. He's kind of like the 90s version of Kevin Bacon.

What's really interesting is you have two early 90s musical performers who no longer were relevant musically, so they turned to acting, and that's Tone Loc and Henry Rollins, which leads to the question, who has had a greater impact on pop culture between those two? I say Tone Loc because more people know "Wild Thing" and "Funky Cold Medina" than anything Rollins has done, however, many of my generation loved Rollins little stand up comedy act or "spoken word" if you will, so it may be a push.

Dennis Haysbert is in this as well. If you don't know him as President Palmer from "24", I'm sure you definitely know him for pimping All-State insurance nowadays.

Perhaps one of the most pleasant surprises is you get Jeremy Piven playing a mob doctor in a brief role. It's not a cameo because he's not famous enough, so it's just a great instance of someone landing a role in a movie before they were famous, though I'm sure some may argue that Jeremy Piven still isn't famous, but c'mon. He makes "Entourage" or at least did when that show was good for a couple seasons.

Lastly, Deniro's girlfriend in this looks kinda like Julia Roberts, to the point I swear they wanted her for the role, but she turned them down. Whoever that chick was, she was never really in anything else that big, but for one movie, she got to pretend she was having sex with one of the greatest actors of his time, so good for her.

Vincent Vega's Deadly Deuce in Pulp Fiction

Seeing my little blog here is called Thee Daily Deuce, it's impossible for me to resist talking about Vincent Vega's deadly "bathroom break boss" situations he finds himself in not unce, not tice, but fee times a mady in this picture. You'd think he'd learn a lesson, but he never considers danger when it comes to the bafroom. What's most bizarre, is due to the way Tarantino tells ze story of Pulp Fiction (onhonhon), you never really realize the unlikely bathroom scenarios he encounters until you've seen the movie like a brazillion times.

The first odd scenario happens at the very end of the movie, when it's revealed that there's another person in the room when Jules makes is oh so famous, "YES YOU DID BRAD, YES YOU DID!" speech. It's almost impossible to not harass someone this way when you've caught them doing something foolish. "YES YOU DID ___________ (fill in friend's name here) YES YOU DID!" I don't know why these two professional gangsters wouldn't check every room in the house, especially since they were told there could be "4 or 5 of them" and there were only 3. When someone comes out of the bathroom guns-a-blazin, I'm almost certain that every time after this you're about to do a vengeful whacking, you check every room of the place for other antagonists who may be wielding firearms. Still, the other two scenarios Travolta finds himself in, he's the one in the bathroom (most likely looking for his career).

The second sitch happens after they're having a nice relaxing breakfast at what appears to be a very comfortable diner. Jules is going though his post-miracle crisis and Travolta has to go to the bathroom. While this happens, Tim Roth and his special lady friend start their would-be robbery. This time, they're the ones who fail to check the bathroom, although this makes a lot more sense as they have many more people to worry about. Wouldn't it be great if this were a theme in all of Tarantino's movies, people not checking the bathroom before they're about to commit a violent crime? Anyways, it's Vega who's this time the one in the position to have the element of surprise on his side. No miracles this time, but hilarity and general peace do follow.

Lastly, it is Vincent Vega who is given the job of having to watch the domicile of one Bruce Willis, who as the kids in the beginning, tries to fuck Marcellus Wallace over, and Marcellus Wallace doesn’t like to be fucked unless it's by Mrs. Wallace, while Bruce is in flight after une match de boxing. Here's where someone who's seen a movie countless times can really be a prick and pick apart an otherwise flawless movie. There's no way in hell Vega would've gone to the bathroom without his gun after everything he'd been through recently, but Tarantino loves to give the audience what it wants, and that's Bruce Willis shooting the shit out of John Travolta. If Travolta had snappy dialogue and got blown away in other movies after this, his brief acting renaissance may have lasted a little longer.

Shawshank and the Modern Era of Film

So many lists come out by so many different websites, writers, Leonard Maltins, institutes, TV stations and what have you about the greatest films of all time. All these people may differ as to what's #1, but it's generally the same usual suspects, though The Usual Suspects though high, doesn't generally rank in the greatest ever. The big films are The Godfather, Casablanca, Gone With the Wind and Citizen Kane. These 4 films are generally in the top 5 of almost every list you see.

The internet, though coming pretty close to that group, offers some alternatives, basically because it's fan voting and you know how us fans are, we have no concept of history and find pretty much every movie that came out before The Graduate to be quite slow, and boring, and hell, I don't even have that short of an attention span. I'm sure many internet voters don't like to think about movies before Star Wars, after all, the 1970s consist of real dirty cameras making nearly every movie that came out in that decade have a 4 o'clock in the afternoon on a rainy day feel.

Perhaps the most shocking ranking from any major media outlet would be www.IMDB.com ranking The Shawshank Redemption numero uno. Granted, this is a fan voting website, but the mathematical equation it uses is a sound one. Shawshank, just like Pulp Fiction lost out on the Best Picture Oscar to Forrest Gump and even though I once viewed that as one of the Academy's biggest blunders, it's really not as bad as it seems. All 3 are very fine films, and Fiction isn't aging nearly as well as the other two. That being said, these 3 films always seem to enter the conversation of the best films of the modern era, but what is the modern era?

Do I go by the films having color? Do I go by when MTV came out? Laugh at that one if you will because MTV sucks, but there is a generation called "The MTV Generation" which I'm sadly apart of, and it really wasn't until MTV came out, that a viewer was exposed to such rapid cutting of film that made our attention spans nil, and hindered our ability to watch slower dramatic dialog driven scenes. Obviously, this isn't a good thing, but I don't want it to go unaccounted for.

Let's start with film having sound. Silent films are about as relevant as poetry nowadays, so drawing a line between silent and sound for the modern era wouldn't really change anyone's opinions today. The purpose of creating a modern era for film is for someone who loves movies and can't watch Casablanca because even though they understand what it did for film, just finds it very boring. Many of the "classics" are like this, and I'm a fan speaking. My generation is the grand children of the people who got to experience this film in the theaters, and now only a small number of us appreciate it, and naturally, that number will continue to decline with each generation. Even though an older film may have advanced film more so than a movie today, it's been so long, we need to focus on "modern" advancements that will change the films of tomorrow. Casablanca will have very little effect on movies made after 2010, and more importantly, will be nearly forgotten in a couple more generations. The Modern Era has to be bigger than a single generation though, so a simple decade cutoff won't work.

The next line we could draw would be when the Academy Awards came out, but again, that was a long time ago. There'd be no separation, as there'd also be no separation if we decided that the addition of color was when modern film began. Gone With the Wind is indeed in color, but it can't be considered a modern movie because as great as it is, there's no way the modern day film lover can appreciate it the same way it was appreciated back then. If anything, it's probably best used as a visual aid while teaching short attention spanned brats what life was like in the south during the Civil War because "book learnin" has been phased out by their fundy parents.

Another item that changed film was the television entering American homes in the 1950s. The first movie I've seen that shows a family watching TV in it would be Rebel Without a Cause and though it seems closer to what would be a modern era film, I can't think of one reason why it's modern at all, aside from the fact that there's a TV in it. Whoopty-do. The 1950s is still pretty much a black and white decade (in more ways than just film) and films are paced slowly, so it's pretty easy for me to disregard films from this decade.

"Classic" is a great word when trying to find a good definition for modern. It's hard to argue that if something is considered a classic that it could be in the running for being a great modern film. This term applies to every great movie until at least the 60s, but I'll stop here for a minute. It's the 1960s when the media started winning the battle for people's minds over their parents or other influences. You had numerous counter-cultures and people showing live footage of the Vietnam War. Protests of war and race relations happened all the time (or at least twice). A movie like Midnight Cowboy would come out and seem very similar to all the movies we watch today. It's very hard for me to not consider this one a "Modern Day" movie. Is it a classic? I think so, but when you compare it to the ones I've previously mentioned, it doesn't seem to fit in the same breath. How about The Graduate? It came out a couple years earlier, and they both have Dustin Hoffman in his prime, who still acts today, but I have a much more difficult time calling The Graduate a modern day film because it's such a classic. Same goes for films like The Good, The Bad and The Ugly and 2001: A Space Odyssey. Does critical acclaim matter?

2001 is the first movie I've seen to be geared towards the drug culture which became so prevalent in the late 1960s, so it almost seems modern, not to mention how ahead of it's time it was with the way they created "outer space." Does something being way ahead of it's time make it modern? Probably, but I'm sure the movies of the previous decades did this too. This is the dumbest thing I hope to ever say (and I'm sure it won't be) but the late 1960s are closer to us now than the 1930s, so something that changed film closer to where we are now, obviously has more validity when it comes to defining something as modern. It'd be nice to say, "Ok, the 1960s are where Modern Films begin" but the examples I just pointed out prove otherwise. Not to mention films like Lawrence of Arabia and Dr. Zhivago (which sucks by the way). These are considered classics and in no way could I consider them to be modern because of the way they're paced.

It can't all come down to pacing though either, because then I'd have to eliminate the entire decade of the 1970s, and many films that bring us up through today. The Godfather may be a nice place to draw the line because when you look at the critically acclaimed big four I dropped in the first paragraph, it came out 3 decades after the next closest piece. That has to mean something, doesn't it? Kind of like how The Shawshank Redemption has so much clout now, and that came another two decades after The Godfather? The 70s also gave us Jaws which is your first summer blockbuster and the beginning of Steven Spielberg. It also gave us Star Wars which may be the most popular movie of all time. Special affects and action were becoming more important than things like dialog and drama which is very close to what we have in film today. Still, aren't The Godfather, Jaws and Star Wars all indeed classics? Yes, and no. Although it's hard for me not to consider The Godfather a classic (and that's probably because it is), Star Wars and Jaws don't have that same feel, so they are indeed what one would call a "Modern Classic", so now I'm getting somewhere.

It doesn't look like it's easy drawing a simple line in the sand and saying, "This is the year!" or "This is the decade!" when defining a modern classic. Some movies of the late 60s qualify, some movies in the 70s don't qualify, well, at least The Godfather doesn't basically due to it's own awesomeness. The line I'm going to use from here on out, is kind of going to be like the "Is this baseball player a Hall of Famer" argument. If I hear the name of the movie, and immediately think it's a "classic," I can't possible call it modern. If there's any doubt to its "classicness" or maybe it's simply underrated from previous generations, it may have a chance. The Shawshank Redemption is the Modern Era's Casablanca, that's for sure.

The Great Tarantino Scripts of the 90s

When 1994 rolled around, the way I viewed movies was changing. This was the first year I'd go to movies under the influence of marijuana. Oliver Stone was the best director ever, and Quentin Tarantino just released Pulp Fiction which seemed like I was walking into a dream every time I saw it in the theater. John Travolta's career was over, and nobody really cared who Samuel L. Jackson was … but I'll get to this movie later.

Natural Born Killers was the movie for me. In 1994, I thought it was better than Pulp because the way it was shot and Ollie's cut cut cut got right to the heart of my MTV Generation mind. The violence was very creative and it starred Woody from "Cheers" as a psycho killer (Que'st-ce que c'est?). Not to mention it also had great roles for Rodney Dangerfield and Robert Downey Jr.

As recently as 1997, I defended the movie against one of my professor's in college who thought it was a terrible. Though I wasn't nearly as GI JOE Gung Ho about it then, I still thought it was impossible to deride the directing. When I watched it last year, I kind of see what he was getting at.

Natural Born Killers isn't a bad movie. The problem is the violence is Sylvester Stallone over-the-top. It's so bad I can almost hear Sammy Hagar songs in my head. It starts great, in fact, it's one of the best killing spree's in film history. Once the duo gets caught however, it's just a pure prison riot blood bath. The idea of filming a trashy TV show is good, and Tommy Lee Jones and Tom Sizemore are good, but, and pardon my child eyes, but there's good violence, and then there's unnecessary violence, and that's what this is. It's understandable why Tarantino, who wrote the script tried to divorce it.

In the early 1990s, there was this young screenwriter in Hollywood named Quentin Tarantino who had ultra-violent scripts for 4 movies floating around. Two of them he did (RezDogs & Pulp Fiction) and the other two were NBK and True Romance. If you watch all four together, you see many overlapping themes and plot twists, but man dead, what a time for Tarantino. It's tough to find a writer or director having so much material in such short of time. If you ever wonder why Tarantino movies come out as frequently as Beastie Boy albums nowadays, there's your clue.

The Wonderful World of Kevin Smith

"My ex-girlfriend is catatonic from fucking a dead guy and my present girlfriend has sucked 36 dicks" claims the immortal Dante.

As a dialog lover (undercover), it's pretty much impossible to not love the movie Clerks. Even though it was impossible for me to call it one of my favorite 100 films ever, I tried pretty hard. Kevin Smith created so many great characters, this movie spawned one, two, three, four, Jurassic FIVE! spinoffs, and more may be coming, though I don't think Mallrats 2: Shit Pretzels is atop that list. This movie indirectly helped the careers of Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. It gave Chris Rock the chance to appear in movies that were actually funny. And Jason Lee, well, he did get to be in a movie with Penelope Cruz, so that must have been great, especially since it was one where she wasn't pretending to be a coke head to the point you wanted to kill her.

When I try to justify Kevin Smith being a good director (and trust me, with a movie like Cop Out out there, it gets harder), I always go back to this no budget movie and say wow, he caught lightening in a bottle. He was the hope for any college schmuck with a camera to shoot his friends with some snazzy dialog and uncomfortable youthful problems to make it in the movie business.

Speaking of Cop Out, I haven't registered the domain yet, but I'm thinking of buying www.whosedickdidtracymorgansucktogetfamous.com, or something similar. I can't stand it. I've brought it up to nearly everyone I know. A simple question, "Has Tracy Morgan ever made you laugh?" The answer is always a resounding no, then the wheels keep turning and it looks like someone is smelling decaying roadkill all of a sudden. They start feeling what I feel. So how did he get here? Maybe it's unfair for me to question how he landed a role on SNL because he's not funny when you consider the countless unfunny people who have landed roles on that show, but now he's doing movies! He has to know people, that's the only possible way.

Yeah, Clerks is a great movie.

The Film Project ... Behind the Scenes with Forrest Gump

Dokey okey, The new computer has been hooked up, and the new computer is a blazin; (it's amazin'). So, in honor of this wonderful thing, which really makes my writing life so much easier, rather than take some notes I did while watching the spectacular Forrest Gump, or the list idea I had (which will be saved for a later date), I'm going to go through my rudimentary thought process while watching a classic film with a laptop beside me (Snoop Dogg has his Dog Pound, I have a laptop). It also looks like I'm on an incredible streak here to use parenthesis as much as possible (which basically means I'm commenting on my own comments and my mind is probably backed up from not writing for a couple weeks). Goat cheese on a cracker!

Speaking of crackers, I've noticed some people call them "fireworks" and others call them "firecrackers" which I'm assuming is a Yankee thing ... or not. Who knows. What I was getting at, was when you travel by car from the beautiful world known as the northeast, down to the Deliverance type landscapes of the southeast, it seems as if every "gas station" specializes in three things, sunglasses, pecans, and fireworks. When I was younger, I always assumed those were the three most important things in southern culture (say, it's Friday, it's time to party and the teens go to the local gas station to pick up sunglasses to look cool at night and pecans to eat while playing with fireworks ... See? Makes sense, no?) The evolution of this thought made me start think that only us yanks called them with "crackers" in the name, and it was a wicked smart way to make fun of southern folk by calling the explosives "firecrackers" as in, toyish (not a word) explosives used by people between South Carolina and Florida. Wow ... my point is, I'm getting ready to talk about Forrest Gump, so I'm trying to take everyone's intelligence down a shade.

Behind the Scenes During Forrest Gump

When I start a movie, the first thing I do is check it out on www.imdb.com. I simply can't imagine life without this website. I also try to remember if I saw it in the theatre or not, and who with, be it a date with a high school sweetie, or the time I saw it in college high as a kite with my friend Lisa (and only her) and we couldn't stop laughing every time Forrest spoke. People were looking at us like we were 8 years old, and it didn't matter. I also remember how I got it on dvd, and it was a friend's dvd who has since moved out of town, so it has become mine, which is just another proof to the theory that you never lend out DVDs to anyone ever because you'll never get them back. That stupid feather starts floating (arguably the gayest symbolism ever), I see Tom Hanks' muddy shoes ... and then boom, Tom Hanks, what's he done?

Click on IMDB ...

Here's got an episode of the Love Boat, Bosom Buddies of course, episodes of Taxi and Happy Days, who can forget the crazy uncle on Family Ties. a breakthrough with Splash, a bunch of very successful comedies, he starts getting serious (and wears a cool hat and scarf) with Philadelphia and morphs into the Tom Hanks we know today with classic hit after classic hit, except he's slipped lately, hasn't he? I did like his voiceover in The Simpsons Movie though, so maybe I'm being hard on the guy.

Before I know it, I'm watching the scene where the kid throws a rock at young Forrest, which, if you're high is insanely funny, but try telling that to a theatre full of uptight college freshman who are watching this movie because it's the only form of entertainment on a college campus aside from partying, so imagine being in a small theatre full of people who are freshman in college, who would rather watch a movie, than party, and you see why no one thought it was funny when Forrest gets hit with the rock. Then I start thinking, "Man, what a great thing to put on your resume if you're an actor." I was the kid who throws a rock at Forrest Gump. I'm surprised that kid never went on to do better things. I love resume builders in film.

The random thoughts continue (with bullet points)

• They should make a spinoff film which is a story of Jenny's sisters and what happened to them
• Forrest Gump is definitely retard strong
• Wow, Gary Sinise used to have so much promise
• Forrest definitely slighted the child who grew up wanting to play ping pong just like him, but never achieved excellence because the child was always using an inferior racket because Gump falsely endorsed it.
• No matter how many times I watch it, it always bothers me that the boat crashes the wrong way. I hate that!
• Gump's run is the ultimate chasing demon run
• Oh my god, I think this is a chick flick
• This movie loves assassination attempts
• Michael Connor Humpheries, the kid who plays young Forrest, went on to join the military and went to school at Northern Alabama University (probably couldn't get into Alabama itself because he didn't have blazing kick returning speed). This leads me to believe that on the set, the kid admired Forrest Gump so much, he wanted to be just like him.
• Man that feather is so annoying!
• Scene Names if you select "Scenes" on the DVD ...

I’m Forrest … Forrest Gump

Mama

Like Peas and Carrots

Run Forrest Run!

Lt. Dan

My Best Good Friend

Wounded in the Buttocks

You’re My Girl

Shrimp Boat Captain

Mama’s Trip to Heaven

Jenny Comes Home

... and that's about it.

Dazed and Confused Actors Success Power Rankings

The following is a breakdown of how successful the main actors in Dazed and Confused came to be after the movie.

1. Ben Affleck (O'Bannon)

I recently watched Dogma and it's sad that the whole Bennifer thing destroyed his career. It's still hard to watch this guy nowadays, and it's hard to believe there was a time when he was actually cool. That said, he's probably the most popular actor from this movie. He may resurrect his career one day, but until then, here are some movies of note that he appeared in:

- School Ties

- Mallrats

- Good Will Hunting

- Chasing Amy

- Shakespeare in Love

- Armageddon

- Phantoms

- Dogma

- Boiler Room

- Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

- Pearl Harbor

- The Sum of All Fears

- Clerks II

2. Matthew McConaughey (Wooderson)

He's had a comparable career to Affleck, and is surprisingly less annoying than him, which is pretty crazy considering how annoying he is. If one thing has helped Wooderson over these past few years, it's that role he played in Tropic Thunder. That comedy helped him, Tom Cruise and turned Robert Downey Jr. into a great actor overnight. His highlights:

- A Time to Kill

- Amistad

- Contact

- EDtv

- U-571

- Reign of Fire (this is right around the time he turned into a douche)

- Two For the Money

- Sahara

- We Are Marshall

- Tropic Thunder

3. Renee Zellweger (Uncredited Role)

I'm not sure she qualifies, because I can't really even confirm she's in the movie. However, she is cited as being in the movie as "uncredited". It's kind of cool to say she's in the movie and here is what she's done:

- Reality Bites (bit part)

- Jerry Maguire

- My, Myself and Irene

- Bridget Jones Diary

- Cold Mountain

- Cinderella Man

- Leatherheads

4. Milla Jovovich (Michelle)

Milla is kind of overrated, and her career pretty much peaked in The Fifth Element. Here's some others:

- Return to the Blue Lagoon

- The Fifth Element

- He Got Game

- Zoolander

- Ultraviolet

- Released an album (haven't we all?)

5. Adam Goldberg (Jewish Guy Who Fights Clint)

Ah, Adam Goldberg. This guy pops up so many more times than what I listed below. He was Chandler's psychotic roommate on "Friends" and even though I've never seen The Hebrew Hammer, that's a great title for a movie. Highlights:

- Higher Learning

- "Friends"

- Saving Private Ryan

- EDtv

- A Beautiful Mind

- The Hebrew Hammer (great name)

- "Entourage"

6. Parker Posey (Darla)

Her career started getting crazy with her role in Superman Returns. About 15 years later, she's pretty big. Not much else:

- Coneheads

- Basquiat

- Scream 3

- Superman Returns

7. Joey Lauren Adams (Simone)

I was first introduced to her on "Married With Children." She's got a nice history of romantic/cheesy comedies:

- "Married With Children"

- Coneheads

- The Program

- Mallrats

- Bio-Dome

- Chasing Amy

- Big Daddy

- Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

- The Break Up

8. Nicky Katt (Clint)

I'd rank this guy higher if I ever recognized him in anything, but he's had bit part roles in so many movies and TV shows, it's kind of shocking. I'm not positive about this, but he may be the only actor to appear in the last Batman series, and the new Christopher Nolan directed series. See below:

- He was on "Chips", the original "V", "The Facts of Life" and "Friends"

- A Time to Kill

- Phantoms

- Batman and Robin

- Boiler Room

- Insomnia

- School of Rock

- Sin City

- Even the Dark Knight as a SWAT Team Member

9. Cole Hauser (Benny)

This guy is a forgotten Ginger. He kind of plays the same role in every movie and must have been friends with Ben Affleck at some point in his life.

- School Ties

- Higher Learning

- Good Will Hunting

- The Break Up

10. Anthony Rapp (Tony)

In college, when the lot of us first saw this movie, all my friends always said, "Holy shit Zach! I didn't know you were in this movie!" It bothered me so much that I had to quit my job and cut my hair (you know I cut my boss because I don't care). If Batman and Robin are one of the most famous popular duos to use for Scattergories, I'd say Anthony Rapp and Adam Goldberg are on of the least popular, but they are a duo I will use one day (they also were friends in A Beautiful Mind). Here's what he's done:

- Adventures in Babysitting

- School Ties

- Twister

- Road Trip

- A Beautiful Mind

11. Rory Cochrane (Slater)

Slater-sun. It's not surprising that much of the cast wasn't too good at acting, and Slater led the way. A great highlight of his career was that he was on the 7^th Season of "24", a show I watched religiously, and his appearance went completely under my radar. D'oh!

- "24"

- A Scanner Darkly (It's probably not smart to work with an animated (or whatever) version of Keanu Reeves … well … unless you're Rory Cochrane.)

12. Jason London (Randall Floyd)

For years I thought he was in Kevin Smith's Mallrats, but it turns out that it was his brother Jeremy London. Watch out Baldwin family! The Londons mean business! His only other exciting role:

- Aerosmith "Amazing" Video

13. Wiley Wiggins (Mitch Kramer)

The kid who constantly touched his nose has never really done anything else of note, but he does have "Fucked up #2" on his resume for The Faculty. I'm not positive about this, but he may also have won two Cy Young awards and is still currently pitching for the San Francisco Giants.

14. Esteban Powell (Carl)

Carl, I'd like to smack that kid. He's on the list. He's had some roles in some teenage television shows, but that's about it.

Christian Slater's Celebrity Encounters While Filming True Romance

Before I get started on Christian Slater's life long dream coming true, and that is getting to be the lead in a fun action film with one of the best casts ever, True Romance came out in a time when the MTV movie awards were just getting started which leads to the question, what's worse, being nominated for MTV's Best Kiss, or winning MTV's Best Kiss? That's a tough one along the same lines as sometimes it's better to not know a Trivial Pursuit answer because it proves you know absolutely nothing about "Dancing With the Stars". This is a good thing. Anyways, here's Christian Slater's … Celebrity Encounters.

To begin, Slater gets to play an Elvis fan who meets up with a really hot Patricia Arquette, who should never do voiceovers by the way, and every word he gets to say is based on a screenplay written by Quentin Tarantino. Let's just say that alone could be the best it ever gets for him. This has to be his wet dream.

After meeting this beautiful girl who knows Gary Oldman, he gets to meet him as well. When he does, Oldman is dressed up as this guy named Drexel who says funny things like, "it ain't white boy day, is it?" He also ends up killing a vastly superior actor, which always has to be fun for lesser actors. Imagine if Anthony Michael Hall killed Steve Buscemi in a movie. It's kind of like that. The only downside of this sequence is Slater just misses an opportunity to meet pre-Pulp Fiction Samuel L. Jackson which would have been killer, but sadly Drexel kills him before Slater gets there. Wah wah.

When most people have psychotic visions of talking to our superheroes or idols, they're usually just the people themselves. So what's cooler than having Elvis talking inside your head? How about Val Kilmer playing Elvis and talking in your head? Yes, Ice Man himself is there to keep Slater cool under intense acting situations. I can almost see Slater going back to his acting trailer and asking Val Kilmer for advice on how to play the role and Val Kilmer responding with things like, "Look, you know I'm not really Elvis right, and I only have like 3 lines in this movie? Maybe you should ask the director."

I'm sure most of us love our dads and couldn't imagine anyone else being our dad, but when Slater found out his dad in this movie was going to be Dennis Hopper (RIP … and man, this RIP is much tougher for me to write than Swayze's or Ted Kennedy's) he must have called Emilio Estevez and said, "Take that Billy the Kid, Arkansas Dave Rudabaugh gets to work with Dennis Hopper! Have fun making trash man movies with your brother!" Also, no one says "Man" like Dennis Hopper. All of a sudden I'm distracted by the death of Dennis Hopper. People should say, "Man" more. Sadly, his dad ends up getting whacked trying to protect him but guess what? His dad gets whacked by Christopher Walken while Tony Soprano is looking on, and if your dad is going to be killed protecting your recent crime spree, can you think of a better way to go? Especially if your dad is semi-estranged as he is in this movie?

Now, in one of the more realistic aspects of the movie, Slater happens to be friends with Michael Rapoport, who plays such great roles as the main cop in Copland (his dream role, but that's a whole nother story), Remy from Higher Learning and one of Phoebe's boyfriends on "Friends." I could see these two guys as friends because after all, it's not much of a stretch. When I think of my life, and what my non-celebrity emotions would be like if I were friends with Michael Rapoport, I don't think my life would be different whatsoever, in fact it may even be kind of awkward, like the time some network was giving away a prize that included going to a football game with John Elway. It was right after Elway was getting divorced and I could picture sitting there at the game, with this football great you barely know, and it's already awkward because both of you are either quiet, or you're sitting there asking him all sorts of questions about his Super Bowl rings which he is certainly wearing. After about 2 or 3 beers though, you turn into his shoulder to cry on because of the divorce and you're like, "look buddy, I don't care about your personal life, just tell me what it was like to play with Karl Mecklenburg!" Anyways, what most makes the whole being friends with Michael Rapoport cool for Slater though, is that Rapoport happens to be roommates with stoner Brad Pitt. If you ever get a chance to meet Brad Pitt, he's probably best when he's pulling tubes from a plastic honey bear.

A story I think we'd all like to tell, is that we were involved in a drug deal with Balki Bartokomous. Say you're kicking it with your friends on a Friday night, telling whatever anecdotes you haven't already told. If you bust out a "Drug Deal with Balki Bartokomous"story, I promise everyone will stop what they're doing and listen. You could probably even embellish it a little and say Cousin Larry was there the whole time getting frustrated by Balki's erratic behavior. Seriously though, if either of the perfect strangers ever did blow, it was definitely get-rich-quick-scheming Cousin Larry. That guy had 80's coke addict written all over him.

Nothing could really top that anecdote, but before Christian Slater's tale of true romance comes to an end, his wife ends up killing Tony Soprano (another great anecdote, aside from the fact that your wife, even though in defense, has killed someone and no one probably wants to hear that story), and the cops chasing him, which he sees in his final showdown are none other than Sean Penn's brother, who's passed since, and Tom Sizemore who is battling severe demons and if he somehow got his hands on Slater's blow, he probably wouldn't be alive today, even though it's just a movie. In some demented way, Christian Slater's coke dealing prowess could have been another lost battle for Sizemore if he ended up with the dope. Poor Tom Sizemore. Even though he always played the same guy in every movie he was in, he was still fun to watch. I hope he can win his battle. (cue slow piano music … and cut).

The Top Five Falsely Imprisoned

Every now and then, Hollywood comes up with a new idea, or at least an idea that hasn't been touched on in a few decades, so you get two movies basically telling the exact same story. I know I'm stealing this from some movie, but the best examples of this are Wyatt Earp having its Tombstone, and Deep Impact having its Armageddon. Hmm, maybe that was Knocked Up where they have that conversation, it doesn't matter. What does matter is that some form of technology may change, let's say something like CGI, and then all of a sudden it's either alien movies or disaster movies aplenty. Maybe there's a big news story about a kidnapping or something, then all of a sudden … kidnapping movies aplenty. In retrospect, one of the reasons why The Player is such a good movie is it gives you a good amount of insight as to the film making process.

The early 1990s got caught up in the "wrong accused/falsely imprisoned" theme. Whether it was Harrison Ford telling Tommy Lee Jones that, "I didn't kill my wife!" with Mr. Jones responding, "I don't care!" or Andy Dufresne going over it a thousand times with Red about how he didn't kill his wife either, or maybe it was Jerry Conlan who didn't bomb anyone and was just another flower power slacker hippie from across the pond, Hollywood producers determined that the American public wants to see stories of people who are in jail and don't deserve to be. They even had that one movie with Christian Slater about going to jail for some minor crime, and then turning into an animal while he was in jail. I forget that one, but I'm sure you understand why, but I'll make fun of Christian Slater some other time (Read: True Romance).

So, with all that being said, here's my Top 5 Falsely Imprisoned People of Film list. Please note, being a true story or not has no bearing on my list. Once your story has made it to the big screen, it's so embellished it's no longer true. Everything is based off of a true story, well, except Star Wars.

5. The "Take My Hand Boss" Guy From The Green Mile

I've never seen this movie in its entirety, but I have the read the book. Sure, maybe the magic man never killed those girls and was only trying to help them, but he practiced witchcraft, and people who practice witchcraft should be burned at the stake. How do I know he is a witch? Well, he turned me into a newt. Side note: What makes the Holy Grail so great is that I've probably quoted the witch scene more than any other movie ever, and it's still funny to me every time.

4. Ruben "Hurricane" Carter

There are some who say he actually was guilty of the crime he was imprisoned for. There are others who say he was guilty of so many other crimes, that he should have been in jail anyway. But how can the life of such a man be in the palm of such fool's hands? That's the story of the Hurricane. It won't be over until they clear his name. Ruben could take a man out with just one punch though, and even though he didn't like to talk about it all that much, he should be in jail just to keep that lethal punch off the street.

3. Andy Dufresne

He probably doesn't rank too much higher because, and this is the best spoiler ever if you haven't seen the movie, he escapes. Not only does he escape, he makes a lot of money, takes down the warden, and winds up with Red somewhere on the Western beaches of Mexico. Sure, maybe that whole Boggs thing wasn't too good, and all the time in the hole, well, he probably is never going to get that back, but at least it ended well.

2. Dr. Richard Kimble

Harrison Ford is probably the greatest action hero of all time. This will be another list in the future though, so I won't dwell on that here. What makes his escape better then Andy's, is he doesn't run off to some tropical paradise, no, he returns to the city he's from to prove his innocence. Here's my thing with this false imprisonment though. When he knew it was a one-armed man, couldn't the police have shown him pictures of all the one-armed men? If the good doctor was wise enough to do the research, I'm sure detectives could have too. Sure, it wouldn't have been good for the movie because there would have been no fugitive, but at least the good doctor would have been saved a lot of time and aggravation.

1. Jerry Conlan

Granted, of all these movies, this was the most serious crime and the most serious drama. It also happens to be the truest story of the bunch, which is just awful. Terrorism really has a lot of losers, and no winners … awwwwwwwwww. Wow, that was a terrible sentence. Instead of going that way, maybe Jerry Conlan the hippie slacker, should have been put in jail because there's a scene where he and his hippie friends are playing soccer with an invisible ball. I don't know if it's just drug stereotypes or what not, but with whatever I've done in my life, and I'll speak for my friends too, and whatever they've done in their life, there's never been a moment where we wanted to engage in a sporting event with a mythical ball, so maybe Mr. Conlan should have done about 6 months for that.