The Top 70 Songs of 1978

I’ve noticed many genres are fading in the late 70s.  Folk, Reggae, Country, Funk?  They all ain’t what they used to be.  Perhaps the greatest highlight of 1978 is Eddie Van Halen showing off.  Punk morphs into post-punk, which is soooooo much better than punk, but I'm still labeling it punk so when people try to defend punk to me, I'll think of post-punk so I won't argue with them as much.   The Talking Heads and new wave are pretty much the shizzy. 

70.  The Gambler – Kenny Rogers (Country) – 1978

This song really sucks, but it’s “The Gambler,” so what can I do? 

69.  The Big Country – Talking Heads (Alt-Country) – 1978

68.  Roxanne – The Police (New Wave) – 1978

Roxanne apparently doesn’t have to put on the red light.  Jesus Sting! Give me some more words!

67.  Baker Street – Gerry Rafferty (Pop) – 1978

This would be here due to the fact that there are guilty pleasures in life.  How do you not love that horn?

66.  You Really Got Me – Van Halen (Hard Rock) – 1978

65.  Satisfaction – Devo (New Wave) – 1978

64.  I Can Get Off on You – Willie Nelson (Country) – 1978

I wonder if it took Willie Nelson until 1978 to realize that a good woman is better than good drugs. 

63.  Hong Kong Garden – Siouxsie and the Banshees (Punk) – 1978 

A glockenspiel, really? 

62.  Teenage Kicks – The Undertones (Punk) – 1978

61.  Who Says a Funk Band Can’t Play Rock? – Funkadelic (Funk) – 1978

60.  No Second Thoughts – Tom Petty (Alt-Country) – 1978

59.  Mind Your Own Business – Delta 5 (New Wave) – 1978

58.  Shot By Both Sides – Magazine (Punk) – 1978

If there’s “post-punk” in 1978, that gives “punk” the shortest shelf-life of any musical genre in history.  PUNK! A Musical Force from the end of 1976 to the summer of 1977!  I think Weird Al Yankovic lasted longer. 

57.  Radio Radio – Elvis Costello (New Wave) – 1978

56.  The Dream’s Dream – Television (New Wave) – 1978

55.  Take Me to the River – Talking Heads (New Wave) – 1978

54.  Because the Night – Patti Smith (Rock) – 1978

I always thought this was a Pat Benatar song, but this makes sense in a way. 

53.  I Am the Fly – Wire (Punk) – 1978

52.  Stay Free – The Clash (New Wave) – 1978

51.  Warning Sign – Talking Heads (New Wave) – 1978

50.  Jamie’s Crying – Van Halen (Hard Rock) – 1978

Eddie Van Halen is here to turn it up a notch, and let you know it. 

49.  (I Love the Sound of) Breaking Glass – Nick Lowe – 1978

I’m not sure if I love this song or hate it, but the fact that he calls his album the Jesus of Cool probably means I should hate this douchebag, or love him. 

48.  One Nation Under a Groove – Funkadelic (Funk) – 1978

47.  Move It On Over – George Thorogood (Rock) – 1978

46.  Shattered – The Rolling Stones (Rock) – 1978

At this point, it’s kind of all been done for the Stones, but Some Girls does manage to sneak in a few decent tunes. 

45.  Being Boiled – Human League (Synthpop) – 1978

44.  Ever Fallen In Love (With Someone You Shouldn’t) – Buzzcocks (Punk) – 1978 

43.  One Way Or Another – Blondie (New Wave) – 1978

42.  Son of a Son of a Sailor – Jimmy Buffett (Country) – 1978

It’s official, I’ve lived in Florida too long. 

41.  With Our Love – Talking Heads (New Wave) – 1978

40.  Kangaroo – Big Star (Slow Rock) – 1978

39.  Fire on the Mountain – Grateful Dead (Jam Rock) – 1978

38.  The Model – Kraftwerk (Synthpop) – 1978

37.  Far Away Eyes – The Rolling Stones (Alt-Country) – 1978

36.  The Day The World Turned Day-Glo – X-Ray Spex (Punk) – 1978

I doubt they get much credit towards the birth of speed metal, but the guitar in this song sounds like something Megadeath would do. 

35.  Another Girl, Another Planet – The Only Ones (New Wave) – 1978

34.  Eruption – Van Halen (Instrumental) – 1978

Sure this is probably cock-waving at its absolute apex, but this song has probably made more kids wanna play guitar than anything Hendrix has ever done.  Are we really gonna sit here and pretend Jimi isn’t any less of a douche than Eddie? 

33.  Werewolves of London (Warren Zevon) – 1978

After Jerry Garcia died, I saw some Connecticut jam band cover this song in his honor.  I have no idea what their name is anymore, and if any of my CT homies know, extra bonus point in March Madness next year if you tell me. 

32.  Surrender – Cheap Trick (Hard Rock) – 1978

Apparently 1978 is the year hard rock somehow gets combined with wuss rock.   I still love this song though. 

31.  What a Waste – Ian Dury & The Blockheads (Glam Rock) – 1978

First of all, Phish should pay royalties from their “Waste” song on this one.  Gosh.  This is a weird tune.  It’s got some kind of Bowie-esque thing going on with a reggae beat, then some kind of Parliament funk in it.  It may fail the “I want my environment to be a product of me” test, but it’s interesting enough. 

30.  Stagger Lee – Grateful Dead (Rock) – 1978

29.  Miss You – The Rolling Stones (Rock) – 1978

How bad do you think the Stones wanted to make pure disco music as they were all coked up in the late 70s? 

28.  Can’t Stand Losing You – The Police (New Wave) – 1978

The Police like many groups of the late 70s do a great job of incorporating reggae in their songs, and at the same time, it seems like reggae has fallen off the map in it's pure form. 

27.  Killing An Arab – The Cure (New Wave) – 1978

I’m not exactly sure when “Gothic” begins, but it’s got to be soon. 

26.  Carried Away – Television (Slow Rock) – 1978

25.  Julie’s Been Working for the Drug Squad – The Clash (Rock ‘n Roll) – 1978

With all this talk about them being punk, or new wave, or hell, even a reggae band, they’re also a really great rock ‘n roll band. 

24.  Down in the Tube Station at Midnight – The Jam (Punk) – 1978

23.  The Robots – Kraftwerk (Synthpop) – 1978 

This song reminds me of that song the nerds play in Revenge of the Nerds during the talent show at the end.  NERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRDS!

22.  Hot Blooded – Foreigner (Hard Rock) – 1978 

Maybe Foreigner is the pioneers of wuss rock, but this is a fun song. 

21.  I’m the One – Van Halen (Hard Rock) – 1978

Aside from all his excessive flash and what not, Eddie really does turn it up a notch where Jimmy Page left off. 

20.  (What’s So Funny ‘Bout) Peace, Love & Understanding – Elvis Costello (Rock) – 1978

19.  Found a Job – Talking Heads (New Wave) – 1978

18.  Lipstick Vogue – Elvis Costello (New Wave) – 1978

17.  Beast of Burden – Rolling Stones (Rock) – 1978 

16.  Artist’s Only – Talking Heads (New Wave) – 1978

15.  Rock ‘n Roll Nigger – Patti Smith (Punk) – 1978

14.  Heart of Glass – Blondie (New Wave) – 1978

Blondie found that perfect blend of new wave and disco.  I love artists with a good sense of how to use pop sensibilities and not sound like a commercial whilst using them. 

13.  I’m Not in Love – Talking Heads (New Wave) – 1978

Maybe the second side of More Songs About Buildings and Food isn't as inseparable as Abbey Road, but it definitely has it’s thing going on. 

12.  Ain’t Talking ‘bout Love – Van Halen (Hard Rock) – 1978

Aside from the fun finger-tapping, another technique Eddie has great control of is the artificial harmonic, and he’s not shy about showing it here.  Guitar gimmicks are great. 

11.  White Man in Hammersmith Palais (Punk) – 1978

If there was an award for best punk reggae song, this would probably win it. 

10.  I Will Survive – Gloria Gaynor (Disco) – 1978

This is probably my favorite disco song.  Not sure if Donna Summer’s future classic “I Feel Love” is true disco as this is, but that’s the only 70s dance song I probably like more. 

9.  Human Fly – The Cramps (Punk) – 1978

The other night I was watching “Cops” and some dumbass college kid got busted for graffiti.  He wrote some quote unquote wise something or other in a manner Adam Morrison (remember him?) wrote “Religion is the opiate of the masses” on the team’s chalkboard.  Said dumbass was wearing a “The Cramps” shirt (how’s that for a double article?) and I immediately realized because of that fucktard, they were a shitty band.  I was wrong.  Moral of the story, just because someone is promoting a band and they’re a douche, doesn’t mean the band sucks. 

8.  Thank You For Sending Me an Angel – Talking Heads (New Wave) – 1978

7.  Come Back Jonee – Devo (New Wave) – 1978 

I always thought Clap Your Hands Say Yeah sounded like the Talking Heads, but they sound so much more like this Devo tune (and probably most like Television when all is said and done). 

6.  Pump It Up – Elvis Costello (New Wave) – 1978

This is another one of those lost songs in my world.  I’ve always known and loved it, but never knew the name of it or who performed it. 

5.  Stay Hungry – Talking Heads (New Wave) – 1978

These guys take a huge step forward with More Songs About Buildings and Food, and this is the best tune on it.    

4.  Running With the Devil – Van Halen (Hard Rock) – 1978 

This is actually an old blues song by Muddy Waters referring to when an old bluesman signed a contract with whitey, he’d be “Running with the Devil.”  That’s what this song is really about.  In fact, all of Van Halen’s songs were really deeper than people thought.  “Panama ”  for instance was about the rise to power of Manuel Noriega.  “Hot For Teacher” was about the ongoing struggles of adolescent 12 years olds having relations with teachers.  See, Van Halen is serious, despite what you ever thought of them.

3.  Shakedown Street – Grateful Dead (Jam Rock) – 1978

Here the Dead fully embrace disco whereas the Stones only tease it.  Incredible latter year Dead tune. 

2.  Sultans of Swing – The Dire Straits (Rock) – 1978

Here’s the Key West Story of Zach vs. Random Guitar Player from some band playing cover songs.  On the first night of a multi-night Key West bachelor party, I bet the guy from the band that he couldn’t play the guitar solo to this song.  To this day, I don’t think he did it well and don’t feel as though he deserved the $20 that my friends insisted I paid him, AND I realize today this solo isn’t as impressive as I once thought.  Most importantly from the story, was after he was done, I took stage and had all of Schooner’s Wharf rocking to the point I got an immediate record deal and ended up doing blow off of stripper’s asses later that night.  That’s the beauty of drunkenness.  You can remember it however you want. 

1.  I Wanna Be Sedated – The Ramones (Punk) – 1978

Sometimes I think the Ramones are overrated because of the simplistic nature of their songs, but then I listen to them again.  They probably would’ve been #1 on my “Must-See” list if I were going to shows in the late 70s.  

The Top 80 Songs of 1977

The punk scene really has some characters.  Aside from that, and new wave starting to get much bigger the main highlight of 1977 is Pink Floyd’s Animals.  Here’s the list:

80.  The Heathen – Bob Marley (Reggae) – 1977

De Heathen Back Dey Pon De Wall!  It’s like Pootie Tang wrote a spiritual reggae song. 

79.  Deacon Blues – Steely Dan (Smooth Rock) – 1977

Wow, I just found out Dan isn’t some guy. 

78.  Changes In Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes – Jimmy Buffett (Country) – 1977

77.  Kings and Queens – Aerosmith (Hard Rock) – 1977

This is about the time when Aerosmith should’ve had a group meeting and said, “Let’s take a break for 10 years.  We’ll be fine then.  Trust me.”

76.  Swingtown – Steve Miller Band (Rock) – 1977 

75.  Dancing in the Streets – Grateful Dead (Pop Rock) – 1977

There’s a really great live version of this on one of the Dick’s Picks so I love THAT version.  Problem is THIS version on Shakedown Street is over-produced horse plop.  I almost don’t even want to include it. 

74.  Submission – The Sex Pistols (Punk) – 1977

73.  All Around the World – The Jam (Punk) – 1977

72.  Jamming – Bob Marley (Reggae) – 1977

71.  Rockaway Beach – Ramones (Punk) – 1977

70.  Fat Bottomed Girls – Queen (Glam Rock) – 1977

69.  Elevation – Television (New Age) – 1977

68.  Sailing Away – Styx (Progressive Rock) – 1977 

Does a Styx fan react the same way as a Rush fan would when hearing their favorite band?  Or is Styx fan and Rush fan the same guy anyway? 

67.  Wonderful Tonight – Eric Clapton (Slow Rock) – 1977

I suppose if I wasn’t told how good this song is my whole life, I wouldn’ t think it’s one of the most overrated songs ever. 

66.  New Feeling – Talking Heads (New Wave) – 1977

65.  Three Girl Rumba – The Wire (Punk) – 1977

64.  Movin’ Out – Billy Joel (Rock) – 1977

63.  Jet Airliner – Steve Miller Band (Rock) – 1977

62.  In the City – The Jam (Punk) – 1977

61.  Blank Generation – The Voidroids (Punk) – 1977

Richard Hell is almost as cool of a name as Sid Vicious and Johnny Rotten.  Why did people take these bands so seriously?  

60.  Wholewide World – Wreckless Eric (Punk) – 1977

… and add the name “Wreckless Eric” to the wicked awesome cool punk names that show how “dangerous” they are.  Now I see where Avril Lavigne gets it from.  Maybe she really is punk and I think way too highly of the genre. 

59.  Sound and Vision – David Bowie (Pop Rock) – 1977

58.  Breakdown – The Buzzcocks (Punk) – 1977

Aside from all punk sounding the same, a good quality it has is the short song length.   It does make me feel like a skinhead sometimes though. 

57.  That Smell – Lynyrd Skynyrd (Rock) – 1977

Though this song is a little stale for its time, I’m sure whatever dank they’re smoking while they wrote it was quite good. 

56.  Who Is it? – The Talking Heads (New Wave) – 1977

It’s too bad it’s so short.  This could’ve been one of their best songs on the album. 

55.  The Passenger – Iggy Pop (Rock) – 1977

54.  Trans Europe Express – Kraftwerk (Synthpop) – 1977

I’ve ignored these Germans thus far because as ingenuitive as they are, they haven’t done much for me.  This does a little bit, and more importantly, it’s not 20 minutes of people playing with synthesizers. 

53.  Paradise Through the Dashboard Light – Meatloaf (Rock ‘n Roll) – 1977

This is probably the most progressive rock ‘n roll song I’ve ever heard.  Sure it’s silly at times, but any song with Phil Rizzuto is a winner.    

52.  Venus – Television (New Wave) – 1977

Absent from my list with be the actual song “Marquee Moon.”  I’ve tried listening to it several times and can never make it all the way though. 

51.  We’re All the Way – Eric Clapton (Slow Rock) – 1977

Because “Wonderful Tonight” gets so overplayed, people miss out on nice songs like this. 

50.  Samson & Delilah – Grateful Dead (Rock) – 1977

49.  Peaches – The Stranglers (Punk) – 1977

These late 70’s bands were the first to become fascinated with serial killers. 

48.  Natural Mystic – Bob Marley (Reggae) – 1977

47.  Denis – Blondie (New Wave) – 1977

46.  Pigs (Three Different Ones) – 1977

It’s way too long, but when it finally changes, it’s worth it. 

45.  Lust For Life – Iggy Pop (Rock) – 1977

Unfortunately, no matter how great this song could be, I always feel like I’m about to listen to the Jim Rome show when it comes on, and if Jim Rome likes it, there has to be something wrong with it. 

44.  First Week/Last Week – Talking Heads (New Wave) – 1977

43.  One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer – George Thorogood (Blues) – 1977

It takes George a really long time to explain his rent situation. 

42.  One Love – Bob Marley (Reggae) – 1977

If you had 1977 as the year Bob Marley sells out, you win the prize.  Okay, maybe he didn’t sell out until he died when his popularity sky-rocketed. 

41.  See No Evil – Television (New Wave) – 1977

I’ve been a Talking Heads fan for nearly 15 years now, and I haven’t listened to Television too much during that time.  It’s still hard for me to compare their debut albums that each came out this year, but Television definitely has more texture and better guitar playing.

40.  The Lonely Shepherd – Gheorghe Zamfir (Instrumental) – 1977 

The pan flute fuckin masta!  (Okay, I only know this song because it was in Kill Bill.) 

39.  Prove It – Television (New Wave) – 1977

38.  Sheena Is a Punk Rocker – Ramones (Punk) – 1977

37.  Pulled Up – Talking Heads (New Wave) – 1977

36.  God Save the Queen – Sex Pistols (Punk) – 1977

35.  Strange – Wire (Punk) – 1977

It doesn’t do too much, but the texture is decent.  I don’t understand why one would like moderate punk songs when you can have all the flash of Angus Young in 1977.  Is there some kind of relation between aspiring guitar players who can’t play well and punk music because it’s the easiest to play? 

34.  Whole Lotta Rosie – AC/DC (Hard Rock) – 1977 

Angus Young really tears it up for these guys. 

33.  Bicycle Race – Queen (Glam Rock) – 1977

32.  Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood – Santa Esmerelda (Latin) – 1977

Obviously this Latin disco song doesn’t need to be 10 plus minutes long, but it’s a great tune, and it doesn’t hurt that it gets you hyped for the final showdown between The Bride and Lucy Liu. 

31.  Heroes – David Bowie (Glam Rock) – 1977 

30.  Jocko Homo – Devo (New Wave) – 1977

Let the 80s begin! 

29.  Staying Alive – The Bee Gees (Disco) – 1977

28.  Complete Control – The Clash (Punk) – 1977 

27.  Pretty Vacant – The Sex Pistols (Punk) – 1977

26.  The Book I Read – Talking Heads (New Wave) – 1977

25.  Friction – Television (New Wave) – 1977

24.  Like a Hurricane – Neil Young (Jam Rock) – 1977

Young earns this song length with his incredibly passionate guitar solo. 

23.  Don’t Worry About the Government – Talking Heads (New Wave) – 1977

On their first album, this is the song that shows how powerful Byrne’s lyrics can be. 

22.  We Will Rock You – Queen (Glam Rock) – 1977

It’s really hard to look at this as a song as it’s probably the song we’ve heard more than any other song in our lives, mostly at times we didn’t even think we were listening to music. 

21.  Lay Down Sally – Eric Clapton (Rock) – 1977

Clapton is a good “Greatest Hits” guy.  I’m sure if I look at his entire catalog there are about 10-20 songs I absolutely adore, but he’s also an “AC/DC” factor guy, meaning he gets boring after about 10-15 minutes, no matter what. 

20.  Neat Neat Neat – The Damned (Punk) – 1977

This so is much more show than tell like many of the punk songs of 1977.

19.  Watching the Detectives – Elvis Costello (Reggae) – 1977

You have to love someone who comes out when punk and new age are exploding and still does his own thing.  He combines the elements of the times, but does what only a good Elvis could do. 

18.  Three Little Birds – Bob Marley (Reggae) – 1977

It’s great when you see “Acoustic Guitar Guy” playing at a bar and he says “ting” instead of “thing.”  Even Mr. Marley himself says “thing” so it’s almost like they’re making fun of Caribbean Island culture.

17.  Flashlight – Parliament (Funk) – 1977

This song is pretty fucking dope.  It’s got a great texture to it, almost like it was made from hemp.

16.  White Riot – The Clash (Punk) – 1977

Some punk songs embody everything the genre is about perfectly, and this is one. 

15.  Alison – Elvis Costello (Slow Rock) – 1977

14.  Dogs – Pink Floyd (Progressive Rock) – 1977

13.  Uh Oh, Love Comes to Town – Talking Heads – 1977

’77 may not be the best Talking Heads album, but it’s a great start. 

12.  Black Betty – Ram Jam (Hard Rock) – 1977

What’s not to like about this rocker?  Even the band’s name is awesome. 

11.  Estimated Prophet – The Grateful Dead (Reggae) – 1977

The Dead’s brand of reggae obviously isn’t as pure as the drugs they were doing, but it’s very well done. 

10.  I’m So Bored With the USA – The Clash (Punk Rock) – 1977

It’s almost unfair to call the Clash a punk rock band because they’re far too talented and a helluva lot more than a punk band. 

9.  Sheep – Pink Floyd (Progressive Rock) – 1977

Obviously the three meaty songs in the middle of Animals are awesomely outrageous like a Chili’s entrée, but they’re just so long.  This is my cream of the crop. 

8.  Suzi is a Headbanger – Ramones (Punk) – 1977

It’s nice to have the new wave bands start to come out of the woodworks, but still none touch the Ramones. 

7.  Psycho Killer – Talking Heads (New Wave) – 1977

Here’s one of the pinnacles of the new wave movement.  The only other songs that top it are most likely other Talking Head’s songs … read: “Once in a Lifetime.” 

6.  Margaritaville – Jimmy Buffett (Country) – 1977

I understand we’re all sick of this song, most likely permanently, but it became what it is for a reason. 

5.  Teenage Lobotomy – Ramones (Punk) – 1977

Their songs are just so perfectly crafted.  It’s hard not to love. 

4.  Terrapin Station – Grateful Dead (Jam Rock) – 1977

Here’s the dank of this album.  The Dead should never try to studioize their beautiful live sound, but this song needed to be put on record, and it’s great … well, aside from the synthesized ending part.  Note Ipod users, you can arrange it so your Ipod stops it around the 9 minute 9 second part.  (That’s the best time I found to stop it). 

3.  I Feel Love – Donna Summer (Disco) – 1977

This song is so way ahead of its time that it has to be a classic.  The production on this compared to everything else you hear in 1977 isn’t even close.  Songwriting, all that crap, sure what this song leads to isn’t so great, but this moment is, and that’s all that matters. 

2.  Barracuda – Heart (Hard Rock) – 1977

Heart should’ve just quit after this song.  There aren’t many songs that reach the “Rock Perfection” level, but this is one of them. 

1.  Holiday in the Sun – Sex Pistols (Punk) – 1977

It’s impossible to listen to Never Mind the Bullocks in its entirety, but the highlights of it are incredible.  The rest is the same song over and over and over and over again. 

Those Sirens Will Get Your Every Time

O Brother, Where Art Thou would be most director's masterpiece, and though it may be the Coen Brothers best, that's too bold of a statement, so the best we can give it is that it's most likely in their top 5.  I've been sweating the Coens too much though on my blog though, so I'm going to move on.  Who says "sweating" any more?  I love how quickly hip-hop jargon fades, and once it does, you can sound really honky by saying it after it has expired. 

The one thing I'm going to focus on from O Brother is the Sirens.  They will get ya every time, to the point where if a hot woman ever talks to an unattractive man, you know there's trouble brewing, especially if she puts out quickly.  To celebrate these beautiful creatures, here's the top 10 Sirens of Cinema:

10.  Mia Wallace – Pulp Fiction

She almost gets John Travolta.  He tries his damnedest to resist, and may have, but his thoughts alone were the karma punch.  His punishment?  The infamous overdose scene, which very well may be the most intense scene in film history. 

9.  Anne Darrow – King Kong

In this case the Siren is attracting the enormous gorilla.  It wasn't King Kong's fault that he was brought to New York, but if he doesn't take Anne to the top of the Empire State Building, he could still be alive today.  Just because he's different. 

8.  The Dutch Assassin – Munich

This is your traditional hot-assassin spy Siren.  There seems to be one in every spy movie, which most likely started with James Bond movies (and I'm realizing right now I did not include any on this list).  The punishment for wanting sex with this sexy lady?  Death.  DUH! DUH! DUH!

7.  Phoebe Cates – Fast Times At Ridgemont High

The punishment for choking your chicken to Phoebe Cates in a bathing suit is being caught in the act by Phoebe Cates.  Umm …

6.   Girl By The Pool – No Country For Old Men

What we do know is that he initially rejects her offer to have beers with her because "he knows what beer leads to."  Aside from her responding, "Beer leads to more beer", it seems like what happens next would be the karmic response to having beer with said Siren.  Sirens next to pools are always the most dangerous. 

5.  Mena Suvari – American Beauty

She's almost the perfect Siren for a middle-aged married guy.  No one seems more off-limits than one of your daughter's friends, it's so creepy, yet it nearly happened.  Poor Lester.  How can one named Lester not behave in a perverted way?  Someone named Lester not being a creepy pervert is like someone named Jeeves not being a butler. 

4.  Veronica Lake – L.A. Confidential

She sure got Ed Exley.  Result?  A beating from Russell Crowe. 

3.  Ginger – Casino

It's too bad she wasn't an actual Ginger, because that'd be perfect.  Aside from the fact that the relationship between Ginger and Sam Rothstein never would have happened that way, she's great proof of what beauty can do to a reasonably smart man. 

2.  Julie Gianni – Vanilla Sky

See what happens when you try to make Cameron Diaz your fuck buddy?  Your face gets all deranged and your life becomes nothing more than death followed by disturbing memories and you keep imagining a next life where you and Penelope Cruz are just cats. 

1.  The Sires – O Brother, Where art Thou?

They appear near water.  They have alcohol with them for seduction.  Next thing that happens, you wake up and your friend has been turned into a horny toad.

Traffic Buddies

Between Benicio Del Toro's greatness, this being the only movie I "love" that has Michael Douglas in it, and the art of freebasing taught by the kid from "That 70's Show", you'd think I'd have plenty to say about it. 

As fun as Eric Forman is, the idea of spoiled high school kids doing drugs drives me crazy.  No one likes rich kids, or worse yet, every one loves rich kids and that's why Hollywood keeps putting out shitty stories about wealthy children who are sad because there parents don't pay proper attention to them.  I don't like that story.  Spare me the sadness for the child born with the silver spoon in his mouth, but it does get more interesting when said spoon because a prop in drug abuse.  It's fun to cheer against these kids though, I will admit that. 

Another little tidbit about this movie is it is Tony Montana's right hand man in it.  In fact, if Steven Bauer was never killed by Tony Montana, his role in this movie is probably what his life would've turned out to be.  Traffic is almost an alternative ending to Scarface, which is another reason why it's good. 

The main reason why it was received well, as mentioned above, is Benicio Del Toro.  I never really knew who he was until this came out, and this put him on my good list.  His attitude and swagger in this is awesome and he does everything right.  He's a character with no regrets, well, aside from watching the kids play little league baseball at the end.  I understand that's a moment of peace for him and a happy ending, but we live in a time now where a single man with no children watching children play is creepy, no matter what.  There's no longer anything we can do about this. 

The secret reason why this movie is semi-rewatchable though is because of the presence of Don Cheadle and Luis Guzman, almost like its Boogie Nights all over again.  Not that there was going to be a Traffic 2, or anything, but it's horrible when they kill of Luis Guzman in this movie.  It's so rare you find two male actors with great chemistry together and these two make the movie fun.  As Hollywood continues with its diminished ideas, a great movie would have been the Cheadle/Guzman Cop/Buddy flick (no need for a talking pie).  It's may be too late for this now, but any avid film watcher who's seen this, and Boogie Nights knows how good these two are together.  Put them in a movie with that late 90s feel, where they play nice light-hearted crooked cops and you'll have a fun film, I promise.   

The Top 55 Songs of 1976

It's becoming more and more obvious that the late 60s and early 70s were a golden age of music that will never be matched again.  '76 brings us the Ramones and Sex Pistols which is nice, a good Bob Marley album, Tom Petty, Bob Dylan coming out of nowhere, and Stevie Wonder really going for it all with a double album.  M-YANh (try saying that one, and that's the feel of 1976).  What is there to look forward to?  Well, the Clash and Talking Heads release music in 1977.  So there's that. 

55.  Let’s Stick Together – Roxy Music (New Wave) – 1976

54.  Calling Dr. Love – Kiss (Hard Rock) – 1976

The dilemma is I’m not sure where “hard rock” ends, and “hair bands” begin, but this may be the song.  Not that there’s any credit for being the first hair band though.  

53.  Lowdown – Boz Scaggs (Smooth Rock) – 1976

Apparently, the most common form of rock in 1976 is of the “smooth” variety.  Unfortunately, this paves the way for wuss rock. 

52.  Cherry Bomb – The Runaways (Punk) – 1976

51.  Luna – Tom Petty (Slow Rock) – 1976

50.  Mozambique – Bob Dylan (Folk Rock) – 1976

49.  Black Man – Stevie Wonder (Funk) – 1976

48.  Night Shift – Bob Marley (Reggae) – 1976

47.  Last Child – Aerosmith (Hard Rock) – 1976

46.  Sir Duke – Stevie Wonder (Rhythm & Blues) – 1976

45.  Crazy Baldhead – Bob Marley (Reggae) – 1976

This is one of my favorite anti-white songs.  I know, I know, it's not anti-white, it's anti-oppression.  

44.  X Offender – Blondie (New Wave) – 1976

43.  I’m Stranded – The Saints (Punk) – 1976

42.  New Rose – The Damned (Punk) – 1976

41.  Somebody to Love – Queen (Glam Rock) – 1976

40.  Take the Money and Run – Steve Miller Band (Rock) – 1976

39.  Magic Man – Heart (Rock) – 1976

Not that it matters, but this always reminds me of this dude I knew in high school who performed magic. Naturally, we’d say, “He’s a magic man” when his name came up in discussion. 

38.  Wild is the Wind – David Bowie (Glam Rock) – 1976

37.  Tom Traubert’s Blues – Tom Waits (Piano Ballad) – 1976

The more I listen to this guy I feel I can get over the Oscar the Grouch thing in a manner similar to getting over Batman’s silly voice in The Dark Knight.  It’s most likely worth it, because his songs are pretty powerful. 

36.  Memory Motel – The Rolling Stones (Rock) – 1976

35.  Two Sevens Clash – Culture (Reggae) – 1976

34.  Pastime Paradise – Stevie Wonder (Rhythm & Blues) – 1976

To get Coolio straight, he got upset because Weird Al Yankovic made light of this song when he made the “Amish Paradise” spoof.  Isn’t Coolio’s hair a little offensive if he’s going to remake Stevie Wonder songs? 

33.  Rock ‘n Me – Steve Miller Band (Rock) – 1976

32.  Detroit Rock City – Kiss (Hard Rock) - 1976

31.  Sara – Bob Dylan (Folk Rock) – 1976

It’s strange how songs with someone’s name in the title remind you of people you’ve known by that name. 

30.  Police & Thieves – Junior Marvin (Reggae) – 1976

29.  Achilles Last Stand – Led Zeppelin (Progressive Rock) – 1976

More "High School Memories,” with Zach Taylor.  We used to drive around in Schwanny’s parent’s Forerunner to this tune running into large piles of leaves in the autumn autumn.  High school kids are stupid. 

28.  She Cracked – The Modern Lovers (Punk) – 1976

27.  War Ina Babylon – Max Romeo & The Upsetters (Reggae) – 1976

Why do all these reggae guys care so much about Babylon? 

26.  Shake Some Action – The Flamin’ Groovies (Rock) – 1976

It’s rare you find a throwback 60s rock song.  This is pretty pure rock right h’ya. 

25.  I’d Have to Be Crazy – Willie Nelson (Country) – 1976

Wow, this is a great tune!  I never heard it before until this day. 

24.  Rockin’ Around – Tom Petty (Rock ‘n Roll) – 1976

23.  The Rubberband Man – The Spinners (Rhythm & Blues) – 1976

A great R&B song contains elements of multiples styles that are currently popular and combines it with a great amount of soul.  This song does a great job of that.

22.  One More Cup of Coffee – Bob Dylan (Folk Rock) - 1976

21.  Breakdown – Tom Petty (Smooth Rock) – 1976

’76 is the first year for TP as this is his first single.  He sort of brings pure rock back.  He’s kind of refreshing in a way, and he’s sure as shit better than the fucking Eagles man. 

20.  Rat Race – Bob Marley (Reggae) – 1976

19.  Pablo Picasso – Modern Lovers (Rock) – 1976

It sounds like the Hold Steady meets the Velvet Underground.  Great tune. 

18.  Crazy on You – Heart (Hard Rock) – 1976

The Wilson sisters were always fine until Ann did that stupid “I Just Want to Make Love to You” song so she could get pregnant.  Where’s Dan Quayle or his stupid kids when you need them? 

17.  Fly Like An Eagle – Steve Miller Band (Smooth Rock) – 1976

I’m sure Fly Like an  Eagle is Miller’s best album, but what’s his best song?  This one?  The Joker?  Or maybe … Abracadabra (we’ll see that one in 1982). 

16.  Fool Around and Fell in Love – Elvin Bishop (Pop) – 1976

Whether it reminds me of being at Jack Horner’s pool, or listening to Jon Fishman sing it, I always enjoy it. 

15.  Roots Rock Reggae – Bob Marley (Reggae) – 1976

I don’t know if it’s something as simple as production value, but reggae (read: Rastaman Vibration) sounds better in 1976. 

14.  Want More – Bob Marley (Reggae) - 1976 

13.  Have a Talk With God – Stevie Wonder (Smooth Rock) – 1976

I shouldn’t have to think of the religious right when I hear a song as great as this.  It's too bad they're ruining the concept of God.   

12.  Black Diamond Bay – Bob Dylan (Alt-Country) – 1976

I’ve always listen to this and Durango together.  I’d don’t like separating them. 

11.  Romance in Durango – Bob Dylan (Latin) – 1976

10.  Isis – Bob Dylan (Slow Rock) – 1976

This is one of my favorite love/adventure stories ever.  It sounds like a Joan Wilder novel.  

9.  Final Solution – Pere Ubu (New Wave) – 1976

This was rarely performed live because of its name being … you know … that Hitler thing.  The two have nothing to do with each other.   This tells me two things, 1) the impatience of idiocy will always drive me crazy, and 2) bands should probably research their song titles. 

8.  American Girl – Tom Petty (Rock) – 1976

It’s great that amidst all the new wave, punk and whatever else is going on in 1976, 1991, 2006 and present, Tom Petty just sticks to his thing. 

7.  Night Moves – Bob Seger (Smooth Rock) – 1976

I used to like this song almost as a larf, but for one reason or another, I always enjoy the smoothness it adds to a Saturday afternoon.  This is a really good song, even though I picture a fat man with a belt playing it on a piano to a bunch of middle-aged women who are a little too drunk to enjoy Jimmy Buffett. 

6.  Hotel California – The Eagles (Slow Rock) – 1976

If you listen closely, you can convince yourself this is a reggae song.  It’s too much of a honky hungover west coast classic to believe it, but it has basically everything a reggae song has, well, except it adds rock changes. 

5.  Positive Vibration – Bob Marley (Reggae) - 1976

4.  (Don’t Fear) The Reaper – Blue Oyster Cult (Psychedelic Rock) – 1976

If you can get past Will Ferrell’s belly and Keanu Reeves, you can hear how great this song is.

3.  Back in the Saddle – Aeromsith (Hard Rock) – 1976

After the success of the previous album, Aerosmith fans must have been so relieved to hear this song open up the “new” album … before the rest didn't nearly match up. 

2.  Anarchy in the UK – Sex Pistols (Punk) – 1976

I love this song.  I do.  I dog on the punk movement a lot in the same way I make fun of people who speak of “progressives” like they’re foreigners who are ruining our beautiful country.  I have a really difficult time in seeing the art of simplicity, or art that is "anti-whatever" because to be "anti" something means it wouldn't exist without whatever it's against.  Other than that, this song also sounds a little sloppy. 

1.  Blitzkrieg Bop – The Ramones (Punk) – 1976

So America gives us the punk Beach Boys, one of the most unpretentious bands ever (though they influenced some of the most pretentious bands ever) and England gives us the Sex Pistols.  Which is better?  You decide. 

Being Stranded in the Early Aughts

The ideas must have started in the late 90s, but having them come into fruition happened in the early 21st Century. Television and movie producers came up with many successful pieces that were based on being stranded in the middle of nowhere which began with Castaway (which I'll discuss shortly) and continued with the first major reality series, (aside from "Real World") "Survivor", ABC's major millennial epic "Lost" and to a lesser extent, shows like "Man vs. Wild" and "Survivorman." Being lost in the wilderness became a great story all of a sudden. Naturally, the A+ part of Castaway is when he's stranded on that island and the cinematography gets shots like that one when he's on top of the cliff. Unfortunately, once Tom Hanks gets rescued, the movie loses all steam.

During the advertisement for FEDEX in the beginning, Mr. Hanks steals a kid's bicycle to make sure a package gets to it's destination in time. That simple commandment breaking, led to some of the worst karma in film history. Here's his bad karma (never steal a bike!)

• Gets called into work on Christmas Eve
• Plane crashes into the ocean
• Sees a dead guy's bloated corpse
• Misses contacting the only boat that comes close to the island
• Leg gets stabbed by sharp coral while trying to catch said boat
• Flashlight goes out
• Cuts his hand bad while trying to make fire
• Has to remove his tooth with ice skate and rock which leads him to banging his head on the cave (this is terrible)
• Ponders killing himself but can't because he'd shatter on rocks before his neck would snap
• Loses his sail
• Loses Wilson
• Finds out he was buried
• Gets AIDS
• Finds out his true love was really a mermaid
• Finds out she has also married
• Married, and to someone who ranks high on the doucheometer
• After beings stranded for 4 years, eating nothing but coconuts and fish, and spending who knows how long being lost at sea on a raft, an old friend has the nerve to say to him, "We need to catch up on our fishing!"

This is all supposed to be countered by the fact that the one box he saves allegedly leads him to his next love who in fact … is a ginger! She's attractive and artistic, so he's got that going for him, but I'm certain she's crazy. He's going to miss Jenny even more now. I had to bring up Forrest Gump because this is another Zemeckis/Hanks collaboration (these two love each other in the film world). Perhaps the most bizarre thing in this movie is the fact that Zemeckis does another shot of Tom Hanks' shoes, as he does in Gump. What kind of weird foot fetish does he have with Tom Hanks' feet? Even crazier, is as soon as Hanks gets rescued, what does he drink at the party?

I must've drank me about 15 Dr. Peppers …

Does Tom Hanks have a Dr. Pepper fetish? Is that what cured his AIDS in Philadelphia? Was it the drink of choice in Bachelor Party? I know this is a meaningless miniscule detail (a type that's usually my favorite), but I have to know how many more movies Tom Hanks drinks Dr. Pepper in. It's more than we think, believe me.

The Top 55 Songs of 1975

For starters, I had to cut Dylan’s The Basement Tapes because well, the music wasn’t really from this era.  Sure, it we found Led Zeppelin basement tapes and released them this year it’d be better than 90% of this shit out there, but it’s not the same.  Losing them didn’t make this any easier.  Fortunately, I found out 1975 isn’t nearly as bad as 1974.  Sure Zeppelin maintains there ProgRock with minimal changes decency, but there are some great songs from this year.  This had to be the best year of Aerosmith’s lives.  Parliament does real well.   Peter Tosh strategically releases a reggae album in a year Bob Marley does not.  Bob Dylan remembers he’s Bob Dylan even without said basement tapes.  In 1976, everything is going to change, I can feel it. 

55.  P-Funk (Wants to Get Funked Up) – Parliament (Funk) – 1975

It goes on way too long, but you don’t have The Chronic without it. 

54.  Fame – David Bowie – (Funk) – 1975

Like Parliament says, “Then I was down South and I heard some funk.  With some main ingredients like
Doobie Brothers, Blue Magic, David Bowie.  It was cool, but can you imagine Doobie-in' your funk?”

53.  Big Ten Inch – Aerosmith (Rock ‘n Roll) – 1975

52.  Jackie Blue – Ozark Mountain Daredevils (Rock) – 1975

51.  Legalize It – Peter Tosh (Reggae) – 1975

Though I may agree with this song politically, how high was he when he did this one?  It’s one of the slowest reggae songs I’ve ever heard. 

50.  That’s the Way of the World – Earth, Wind & Fire (Rhythm & Blues) – 1975

49.  Why Can’t We Be Friends – War (Reggae) – 1975

48.  Pardon My Heart – Neil Young (Folk) – 1975

47.  Give Up the Funk – Parliament (Funk) – 1975

This is probably the best album to have on the background of any party, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s great to “listen” to.  It’s fun, but how many times exactly am I supposed to listen to them asking for the funk?  I’m sure it’s a rhetorical question. 

46.  Roll Another Number (For the Road) – Neil Young (Alt-Country) – 1975

45.  What’cha Gonna Do – Peter Tosh (Reggae) - 1975

44.  Shining Star – Earth, Wind & Fire (Funk) – 1975

They tread the line of funk disco more than anyone I’ve seen yet.  It’s pretty much impossible to listen to the beginning of this song though and not think of the Elaine Benes dance. 

43.  Rhiannon – Fleetwood Mac (Smooth Rock) – 1975 

42.  Thunder Road – Bruce Springsteen (Rock) – 1975

Along with “Hey Jude” and “Rock Around the Clock” this seems t o be one of the most critically overrated songs ever.  It’s not bad or anything, but with the Boss, you either get him or you don’t.  Like Jimmy Buffett, he’s a polarizing character.  I don’t mind him, I just don’t think he’s all that great, and the fact that I don’t think he’s all that, somehow puts me on the side of “against”, which I’m not.  That’s the problem with polarizing figures.   For the record, both him and Buffett seem like great guys to have a beer with. 

41.  The Wanton Song – Led Zeppelin (Hard Rock) – 1975

40.  Black Country Woman – Led Zeppelin (Blues) – 1975

39.  Have a Cigar – Pink Floyd (Progressive Rock) – 1975

It’s a decent tune, but I’ve never understood why someone would love such a soulless song. 

38.  The Pill – Loretta Lynn (Country) – 1975

Like everything else, country starts sucking in the mid 70s, however, Loretta Lynn still sounds like Loretta Lynn. 

37.  In the Light – Led Zeppelin (Progressive Rock) – 1975

Here Led Zeppelin does their best Pink Floyd impersonation. 

36.  San Ber’dino – Frank Zappa (Progressive Rock) – 1975

35.  King Tubby Meets the Rockers Uptown – Augustus Pablo (Reggae) – 1975

A true reggae fan would tell me this is dub, and they’d be right. 

34.  Houses of the Holy – Led Zeppelin (Rock) – 1975

33.  Ten Years Gone – Led Zeppelin (Progressive Rock) – 1975

I’m not certain if PhysGraf had any dynamic songs on it, but it’s consistent with pretty good ones.   

32.  Born to Run – Bruce Springsteen (Rock) – 1975

31.  Road Runner – Jonathan Richman (Rock ‘n Roll) – 1975

It’s nice hearing rock ‘n roll in the 70s as punk and new wave are breaking. 

30.  Love to Love You Baby – Donna Summer (Disco) – 1975

This is the first song I’ve heard with someone having an orgasm in it. 

29.  You Sexy Thing – Hot Chocolate (Rhythm & Blues) – 1975

I’m not sure if I love this song because of its appearance in Boogie Nights or an episode of The Office, but I love it nonetheless. 

28.  Shine on You Crazy Diamond (Part 1) – Pink Floyd – 1975

27.  Mothership Connection – Parliament (Funk) – 1975

So far, Parliament is better than Funkadelic.   

26.  The Rover – Led Zeppelin (Hard Rock) – 1975

25.  You’re My Best Friend (Glam Rock) – 1975

24.  Kashmir – Led Zeppelin (Progressive Rock) – 1975

I know it’s a classic ‘n all, but it’s kind of boring, no? 

23.  Blue Eyes Crying the Rain – Willie Nelson (Country) – 1975

22.  Idiot Wind – Bob Dylan (Folk Rock) – 1975

21.  50 Ways To Leave Your Lover – Paul Simon (Pop Rock) – 1975

Paul sneaks a little disco into this one.  I love these guys that try to adapt to the times.

20.  Tush – ZZ Top (Hard Rock) – 1975

19.  Albuquerque – Neil Young (Slow Rock) – 1975

You’re probably not going to believe this, but I spelled Albuquerque right on my first try. 

18.  Custard Pie – Led Zeppelin (Hard Rock) – 1975

This is one of the best songs on PhysGraf, but I’m wondering if that’s because the Beastie Boys sampled it. 

17.  Jive Talkin – Bee Gees (Disco) – 1975

I’m certain the likes of Zeppelin and ZZ Top would smack me around if they saw I ranked a Bee Gees song in front of them, but it’s “Jive Talkin!”  Led Zeppelin didn’t write tunes everyone liked, they left that to the Bee Gees. 

16.  Welcome to the Machine – Pink Floyd (Progressive Rock) – 1975

15.  Low Rider – War (Latin) – 1975

There’s a reason this song is in every drug induced 70s movie. 

14.  Rock and Roll All Nite – Kiss (Hard Rock) – 1975

No one has ever professed rock to be rocket science, and in a time when everyone is trying to modify the formula as much as possible, someone needs to get right to the point.  That’s why we have Kiss.  To do things much worse than Led Zeppelin did several years ago, but in a much more “party” way. 

13.  Down By the Seaside – Led Zeppelin (Rock) – 1975

Wow, after all these years this is my favorite song on the album.  It’s most likely because it has the most changes.  Wiki says they never played it live though, which is a bit disappointing. 

12.  Love is the Drug – Roxy Music (New Wave) – 1975

1975 is the beginning of New Wave.  This song sounds sooooooooooo much like the Talking Heads. 

11.  Unfunky UFO – Parliament (Funk) – 1975

This is my favorite Parliament song because it’s fun the whole way though.  It’s got a great groove, a couple changes mixed in, and it doesn’t go on forever like your typical funk song. 

10.  Simple Twist of Fate – Bob Dylan (Folk) – 1975

Vintage Bob Dylan, gotta love it. 

9.  It’s a Long Way to the Top (If You Wanna Rock’n Roll) – AC/DC – 1975

Anytime you have a duel between electric guitar and bag pipes, it’s going to be awesome … well, as long as the participants know what they’re doing.  

8.  Tangled Up in Blue – Bob Dylan (Folk Rock)

I’m not exactly sure what happened with Bob Dylan in the mid 70s, but he gets great again for a couple years. 

7.  Gloria – Patti Smith (Punk) – 1975

This is too classy to be real punk, but the attitude is there.  I really love how she builds this one up.

6.  At Seventeen – Janis Ian (Pop) – 1975

I can’t get over how much pain she has in this song.  It’s beautiful. 

5.  Walk This Way – Aerosmith (Hard Rock) – 1975

With Toys in the Attic rocking so hard, it’s no wonder the Randall “Pink” Floyd made seeing them his #1 priority of the summer. 

4.  Hurricane – Bob Dylan (Folk Rock) – 1975

I love this song because it’s not really about Ruben Patterson being guilty or not guilty (okay maybe it is), but it’s more about the cops being racist.  It’s almost like NWA without the attitude and much better lyrics. 

3.  Wish You Were Here – Pink Floyd (Slow Rock) – 1975

The story I always heard was this song was about Syd Barrett, who had been missing for quite some time.  He showed up at the release party, said hello to everyone, and was never heard from again, yet, when he died he was Yahoo’s #1 Search for awhile. 

2.  Sweet Emotion – Aerosmith (Hard Rock) – 1975

It’s impressive Aerosmith has lasted along as they have.  Maybe it helps when you take your best song and re-release it in the early 90s, and maybe it helps even more when you take another one of your best songs and let Run DMC rap over it.  Marketing geniuses these guys, marketing geniuses. 

1.  Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen (Glam Rock) – 1975

They really went for it all on this one, and it worked.  What’s strange is that this and “Sweet Emotion” were both re-released in the early 1990s.